Thank you for taking the extra time to digest my post. I am not the clearest of writers at times. I am not trying to let you "have it" so to speak.
There are consequences to affairs. They are like credit cards, you puchase item after item and now you are heavily in debt and have a lot to reply..it happens. I am NOT trying to suggest you are a horrible person for that...you ARE doing the work.
I just got a sense that you felt surprise or frustration with your husband for the situation.
Yes, its not just the affair. You will find that after the affair is over many couples suddenly find themselves in the same routines as before the affair started...home not so sweet home again...this is a phase.
I dont' think anyone can expect or ask an affair to end and have things go smoothly after that..it takes months or even years to get to a synthesis of the good stuff in your old marriage along with new changes for the better.
You feel terrible and unwanted. I understand that. Your husband feels the same way...much worse than you do perhaps since he was the one out of the loop.
You need to get this fantays out of your head though...that's all he is. Affairs HIDE reality for the time they are alive...if you go to that guy for a regular relationship over time it will become your marriage all over again but it will be much worse...because you wont' have a mature man beside you...you would just have a childish cruel subhuman thing...
You may feel like it will be all spectacular with him, but I promise you LONG TERM it will feel worse than where you are now...more than 99% of the time affair couples run away together and the relationship fizzles a slow and painful death..often with another affair finishing the first one off...
It's your own imagination you have to combat here...that's not him in your head, its just your perception of what you feel things may be like..it won't be...it might for a time, but it won't last...
Its just like a piece of bubble gum..the taste never lasts forever and once its done you have to toss it away and go clean your teeth.
It feels great, but it won't last...you have this idea in yoru head that it will but it won't...they hardly EVER do.
I think you really need to see the maturity level of this person and the damage that he's STILL doing to your son and your husband and yourself and focus on that instead of these images in your head.
The truth of him is right in front of you...
I am just afraid your husband will find out he is calling eventually and you will have a LOT of work to re-do if that happens...
I am just appaled that this guy is still harassing your home...i really do think he belongs in jail...I am sorry that he's not maturing at all and wants to keep making things difficult...if i were in your area I would talk to him myself...
