On being the best O'Dog I can be #2

[Dia]

1) So? What if it wasn't about you? What if it was about *her*? What I mean by this one is that you're allowing HER valuation of you to be the yardstick for YOUR evaluation of you. F that! Your self worth is completely independent and unrelated to her or what she thinks!

2) I hear in this that you're ot going now. Is that correct?

3) GOOD!

4) Missing it and being sad are fine. Very understandable. Look at these two statements:

a) I believe I have a lot of good in me.

b) I am a good person.

Which one is stronger?

Here are some statements about myself.

I'm a great cook.

I'm awesome in bed.

I'm kind, compassionate and caring.

I'm smart.

I'm a good mother.

I have pretty eyes, nice lips and what you fellas refer to as 'a nice rack.'

Knowing those things and being able to state them firmly isn't pride or arrogance; it's self esteem. So many times we belittle our own accomplishments. We pass off a great job we did as "Oh, I had help. It wasn't that that great. I just did what I had to." and so on.

One of the things my C did was to slow me down and pretty much *make* me examine my own strengths and accomplishments. Then we looked at FOO and childhood stuff. For instance, in elementary school, I quickly learned to turn my papers face down on my desk to hide my near-perfect grades so as to avoid torment at the hands of my peers. Teachers even encouraged me to do it 'so other people wouldn't feel bad.' Sounds reasonable, right?

My C: So you learned to be ashamed of your own success, and to suborn your own needs for the weaknesses of others?

Crap! She's right! When I'm successful, I do (used to) feel embarrassed, like hiding or deflecting attention. And yeah, it's not my fault if other people feel bad, and it's not my job to make them feel better. It's not like I was waving the paper around and bragging.

<shrug>

It's what worked for me. I resisted at first but wow, it felt so much BETTER to follow her advice. And hate to say it, but look at me now. People tell me all the time that I sound strong and confident. Good! Good for me. I earned it. And there's a success I'm not ashamed of.