What to do, what to do?

[LuLu]

Thanks for checking in. Things seem better with Stepdad, well, we're at least on speaking terms! I won't be bringing any of it up...ever. It is what it is.

Court- Maybe it's their way of still taking care of us? I guess I expect everybody to act like your sister. I understand her telling him off but at least she can be civil to H and respectful to you. That's nice.

Dusk- Thanks! Being secretive is certainly key in my sitch. Yes, fun or not, haha.

Interesting day so far. H is here spending time with the girls. I have plans this afternoon to run errands and then coming home to get read for my Girls Night In with some friends from my Mom's group. H was planning to take the girls out this afternoon. A friend called him and asked if he wanted to go to some street fair this afternoon with the kids. H asked me if I wanted to go with them. Normally I would have said yes but I really have to get these errands done today. I told him, "No, probably not but thanks for asking".

I didn't explain why, I just said that but in a nice, nonchalant tone. Anyway, about 30 mins after that, he asked me where if I'm going to the "city" (we're in the suburbs). I said, "Yes." It was a total lie, I felt guilty about saying it so now I may make a trek there just so it's truthful, haha. He is going to stay with the girls while I'm out tonight. He asked me if it was going to be a really late night for me. I replied that I wasn't sure and just kept doing what I was doing. Honestly, I'm not going anywhere exciting. Just to a fellow mom's house for some drinks, snacks and games with other moms but I really don't know what time I will be home.

The funniest part is about 20 minutes ago, H asked me if I had a hot date. HA! That's what he gets. I just looked at him smiled and said, "I'm going out."

[LuLu]

Now I feel like I should get dressed up. What do you think? Should I play the part?

[Gardener]

LuLu,

Now I feel like I should get dressed up. What do you think? Should I play the part?

Definitely! You're already being mysterious with your words and actions and evasive with your answers, so go the whole route and dress up, girl!

[courts0818]

I have to get ready so I only have a minute. But I think you should get dressed up and let him think whatever he wants! You're doing a good job of just playing it cool - answering his questions - but not giving too much info.

If you feel like you'll be too dressy for the mom's night - throw something extra in the car - like a sweater to wear over the sexy shirt you leave the house in. : ) lol...

Look good and let him wonder.

[LuLu]

G- You are so right!

Good idea, Court. I didn't really want to show up at the MNI dressed to the nines. Note to self- put a sweater and casual shoes in the car.

[courts0818]

Lulu, how was MNI? What time did you get home? Any comments from H?

[LuLu]

MNI was great. It was a much needed break for me. I was so overdressed though, haha. I had to remove my sexy earrings and some of my lipstick because I felt a little uncomfortable. I did what you said and had a sweater and some flats in my car. I left the house looking sexy and did the switch in the car. I didn't get much of a reaction from H though, if he did react he kept it to himself.

I came home a little after 1am. H was asleep on the couch. I told him he could stay the night but he didn't want to. I know it was so not db'ing but I would have offered that to any of my friends who stayed watching my girls to 1 am and had to come back at 8am so I could work. He told me he couldn't, he didn't feel right about it. I said, okay, lock up when you leave and see you in the morning. I was very chipper though, at least to him. So be it.

I was in a great mood in the morning. I made a huge breakfast for everybody and coffee for H. I told H, Thank you for watching the girls, I had a really great time. It was true, I did.

I called H on Sunday night. It was about fantasy football (I'm a big fan). The guy I was playing had Tom Brady on his team and I knew H did too. I called to vent. It was total small talk but I just missed talking to him. Bad Lulu. Anyway, we joked and that was that. Well, this morning H called out of the blue to share his Fantasy Football tribulations from yesterday. It was different and different is good.

One thing I noticed this weekend is H has been more appreciative of things I do. I think I'm rubbing off on him. I have been thanking him for things he's been doing around the house. One of H's love languages is Words of Affirmation. I've been trying to be really conscious of saying nice things to him. Here lately it's been thanking him for the things he does and telling him how I appreciate them. You know, stupid stuff- bringing the trash in, mowing the grass, doing the dishes, etc. Anyway, younger dd wet her carseat in H's car. I helped him put it back together after we washed it. He made it a point to thank me for my help not once but twice. Verrrry Interesting!

[LuLu]

Journaling here.

Had a terrible dream that H and OW were hanging out again. I know it spawns from yesterday. H called around 5:30pm to say that he wasn't going to make it to see the girls because he had to work late. It sounded like such a lie and he's not a good liar. I asked him to tell the girls himself and proceeded to give each D the phone. I hung up after they both had spoken to H. H called back to tell me that he told them. I could tell that he felt bad about it.

I know it wasn't very nice of me but I didn't want to be the bad guy. I also wanted him to realize that there are consequences for what he does.

I hope he just went out for drinks with the guys. Sigh.

[courts0818]

Hey Lulu,
Sorry about the dream you had. I've had too many bad dreams myself and they really are horrible. : (

I don't blame you for wanting your H to tell the girls that he wasn't coming over. Again, I know what that's like. And you are right - our husbands need to realize there are consequences and they need to acknowledge and understand that they are hurting our DD's when they don't come over. Whatever the reason, they are the ones not showing up, so why not let them tell the kids? IMO, our husbands should have to hear the disappointment in their little voices. I know work things come up, but if your H is like mine, there have been PLENTY of other things he's chosen to do instead of being at home with you guys.

And try not to think too much about what your H was doing. Let's hope he was being honest and working or having drinks with the guys. Keep your head up and don't let this bring you down! Today is a new day. : )

About Saturday - I'm glad you had fun! And I'm sure your H noticed how you looked. There were probably plenty of little thoughts running through his head. I probably would have asked my H to spend the night too. And he would have turned it down. Why is that? Why are they so against spending a night at home? Over the summer, my H and I played in a golf outing. We had to be there at like 7am on Saturday so instead of just spending the night, he got himself up at like 5:30 in the morning. There were other times when I really wanted him to spend the night and he wouldn't - like last January when we had to put our beloved dog down. We were both absolutley heartbroken. I was a crying mess. And we spent the night texting about how sad we were. Maybe they feel like if they spend the night then we will think things are fine. IDK.

It's interesting that the appreciative words are making a difference. I know it feels good to be thanked and feel appreciated. Personally,...I've been so upset with H (at least I was a few weeks ago) that I really stopped thanking him for everything. It's time to get back on the thank you train.

Hope you are feeling better today. : )

[LuLu]

I'm still trying to recover from that horrible dream. It's amazing how much of an effect it's had on me. Ughh! I need to bounce back and get back on my PMA, 180'ing, Gal'ing horse...soon.

Yeah, I don't know. Today I'm feeling like I deserve so much better than H. But I am sad I know I need to snap out of it but it probably won't be today. Fortunately H isn't coming by today so i have until tomorrow.

To add to my mysteriousness or is it total deception? I think I'm going to buy myself some roses tomorrow and put them in a vase on the kitchen table. I never buy fresh cut flowers...ever...and why not roses! Ha. Is that bad?