REmember the tale of the tortoise and the hare? Slow and steady wins the race. I love the six month mark. Gives me hope. My H is giving us five months in MC. I hope to be as close as you and your wife are by then. How's that? It doesn't have to be a perfect reunion (yet), but she's not gone and you guys are inching toward each other. Great job!
Thanks for your post. I don't know that I would say W and I are "close," but I know what you mean. Just keep improving yourself and getting stronger. None of us knows how our M's will end up, but we can make ourselves better no matter what.
Really bad dream last night. No idea where it came from. And it was one of those that seemed real, really real.
Dream went something like this. Friend of mine tells me he has W's text message log and it shows she is warming to my changes but is also involved in a PA with another acquaintance friend and I both know. That's the Cliff's Notes version.
Was a relief to wake up and realize it was just a dream. But, it was unsettling nonetheless.
Why can't I dream we are reconciled or that I'm a money winning leader on the PGA Tour?!
LOL GIMA. Those dreams are a killer. I still have them on a semi regular basis. Some are so real I wake up breathing heavy with my heart pounding.
You guys are making progress. Your W talking about the "we" and "us" stuff you've related recently is a GREAT sign. It shows she's thinking as a couple even if she doesn't realize it.
I remember very vividly the first time my W said "we". We were having a discussion about our retirement plan at work and she said "we should go talk to a financial planner some time soon". And I just sat there almost speechless. If she's saying WE should talk to a retirement planner, then she must be thinking long term.
Just give her time and keep up the changes.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
While it may sometimes feel frustrating or taking too long, or wearing your patience thin, take heart from gag, hpe4us, hope4luv, bunny, me and so many others who follow your efforts and consistently see a sincere, decent guy who is doing the work and working the program to a T.
Your journey, your threads, show sloooow progress, but real progress; sloooow changes, but the right kind; sloooow baby steps but always moving forward. And throughout all this you always greet new DBers to this forum and offer sound advice and sincere encouragement to all.
Whenever you get frustrated, vent here for sure, we're all here for you. But may I suggest also picking a random page on one of you previous posts and threads over the months and marvel at the old, struggling Gima ad the frustrating, seemingly unchanging state of your sitch back then? My guess is you'll feel pretty good about yourself and your current sitch then.
Your IC's right, but I'd consider it re-entering her space (not invading) while keeping watch for any immediate negative reactions and pull right back out fast. Staying then would be a boundary violation. But if you get positive (or no) reaction, staya while and say, "hey, I remember this place, being allowed in like this. This is what I'm working my butt off for: this first step of intimacy- being allowed back in."
And maybe try a bold move for once instead of just baby steps. I dunno. Maybe the next time you're getting on particularly well, gabbing and having fun why not touch her hair and say "shut up and kiss me" with a twinkle in your eye? and move in a bit and see what she does.
Keep going, you ol' tortoise you. You are an inspiration.
And the sleeping arrangements? That will no doubt change. And I'll bet it will be your wife who eventually initiates it.
Sorry to go on and on, but frankly, I follow, root for and try to chime in to so many DBer's here. But with you, it has become praying for and accompanying a friend on his journey.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I think a hand hold would be a big step this weekend. I took a big leap earlier this week with leaving a note to her on the dashboard of her car. And that worked well.
OK guys. We have a pumpkin patch thing at kids' school this morning. And, if I do say so myself, I look pretty good. Jeans I could not fit into last year, khaki button down, and well groomed (great shave this morning). Look good and smell even better. And, I feel good.
So, we will do the pumpkin patch at their school. Then chores around the house.
