When I got home from work last night, for some reason just being around wife put me in a bad mood. Normally, I would not let it show, but I this time I did. Nothing major - but wife immediately became cold and rude. She then went to a movie with a male friend from work (ea or pa?) and came home at 2:00am. They work in a restaruant bar and went there after the movie. Tonight she has plans to go out with work friends again.
Anyway...I think last night was a definite slip backwards. Nothing I can't recover from. Again, today though I have that "is this really worth it feeling?". I suppose you can't always be positive.
I'll get through the work day today and try to make sure I am better tomorrow when the family is home together.
That is crap.
She went out with a male friend to a movie and to a restaurant until 2am?
When is the last time she did that with you?
And you didn't bust her on it?
Boundaries? She is stepping all over them, she's pushing past boundaries and testing to see how much she can run you over.
And you're letting her.
Talk to her about it. Tell her it's not cool. You're married. If she wants to go out with her girlfriends and have an evening that's great, but what she did with that guy is pretty much a date - are you cool with that? Is it ok with you that your wife is dating others right infront of you? Put your foot down, not in an a$$hole type way, but in a strong calm way that says "you want to date other guys, fine. Do it when the divorce is final and when you've moved out, you aren't living here with me and sleeping in MY bed and dating other men, I won't allow it, I would rather you leave first. Respect this request or leave, the choice is now yours."
You're establishing that she can't date other men while she's living in your home and sleeping in your bed. She can sleep on the couch if she wants to, at this point, you need to show her you respect yourself, without this, she won't & can't respect you, I promise you this to be true.
This trip you have planned, seriously bro, you are rewarding her crap behavior by giving her gifts, you are training her for lack of a better word: "it's ok, you can continue to treat me poorly and I will buy you gifts, take you on trips, and be super nice to you because I'm not as valuable as you are and I need to do these things to equal your existing value."
Not cool and not the way to keep your wife either, counter intuitive but everything that works in these situations is counter intuitive.
Stop doing what doesn't work, start doing what does work.
If you are still planning to go on that trip, maybe go by yourself, get her to watch the kids, and take a friend, she doesn't have to know who, it could be anyone.
No more rewarding her crap behavior.
You mentioned the other night she started talking about freedom and that you could pursue sex with another woman, a few flags should start appearing in your mind on this: why would someone give this permission to you if they haven't given themselves the same permission already. I think she used the word "pseudo" to describe your relationship, pseudo-husband/wife, to her it's just a title right now, nothing more.
Playing xbox isn't GAL, getting out of the house is. She did it, she went out on a date apparently and you posted it here on the forum to get feedback, apparently it woke you up enough to think about it, that's GAL is. If you're staying at home all the time, that isn't GAL, she knows exactly where you are, where is the mystery in that?
