Part of being an attractive man is to be a leader of the family. It is time to step up and be that man, which includes making decisions for the betterment of the family.
I get a wimpy feeling when you post. Sometimes when you think you are taking the road of least resistence, it is just a much longer road with the same result at the end of it.
Long story short, sit down and tell her Your decisions to protect your family. Do not be defensive of your actions, your decisions are well planned and thought out and if she has a problem with it, let her explain why it is such a bad idea to protect these assets for yourself and your son.
I'll tell you right now, what she's going to say is "I can't believe you don't trust me!" -- or some variation of that.
Your response should be "I'm sorry you feel that way; I did waht I felt I had to do to protect myself and our son."
In fact, that should be your response to pretty much everything from "I can't believe you didn't trust me" to "Now you've REALLY blown it!" to "How 'bout them Yankees this year???"
Stick with the script, Tristan. For talks like these, it's truly "Less is More."
We had a long discussion last night about our bank accts & started talking about the seperation details. W said she really ramped up her apt hunting this past week & has a couple possibilities
We were on the exact same page when it came to our bank accts. We'll each transfer 1/2 of savings into our individual accts & change our paycheck DD's into our new, personal accts.
Biggest issue is going to be our S. We both want to split custody 50/50 but we're having difficulty up w/ a schedule that works for everyone. Still working on that.
As for finances, we still have to work through that as well. Money is going to be tight & I'll probably have to cut back on things...cut down my cable bill, maybe get rid of my home phone & use my cell only. We also agreed that W will sleep on our inflatable mattress starting tonight. It was nice that we were able to discuss these things like mature adults.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
Where do you begin on this journey? Wife hasn't really talked to me in almost 3 months...I've been trying to follow the rules I've read in the website as far as (i) moving on stay active (ii) don't inquire on her whereabouts (iii) stay positive (iv) don't pressure the discussion...etc. Things are not worse, but they aren't better either. I've essentially turned to work for solace and to occupy my mind. I figured by now she would have pulled me aside to ask what is next....nope. Don't want to initiate the discussion if it means that I have broken a golden rule. Please comment.
It' a HUGE load off my back. We're actually talking & being more friendly now that we're both on the same page. The M isn't any better for it, though. W said she's not sure if she's going to file for D right away or wait until she gets her head straight...but later mentions that most of the places she's looked at have 1 year leases. Sounds permanent to me.
And I'm not sure I'd take her back if she begged. So I'm treating the S as a transition period before we get a D. Very unfortunate...we're both going to be MUCH worse off financially when W moves out & only seeing our S 1/2 the time is going to hurt. There aren't any winners in this situation.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
e, you're not being civil in order to make it be any better for your marriage right now. You're doing it for two reasons:
a) It's The Right Thing to Dol; and
b) It decreases your own stress and anxiety, and helps you out emotionally.
One of the hardest things for betrayed spouses to do is to not over-read their wayward spouse's good modes and nice interactions. They can mean something, but they can also mean nothing or even mean something NEGATIVE (like wife just got OM fix, so she's in a good mood). It's imperative to continue to learn to operate from a position of The Right Thing to Do, and to continue to implement your own Plan (GAL, legal & financial protections, etc.).
