Still avoiding using it Cas, but is starting to want to spend more time with me, could be that sexy/sassy rabbit is too hot to ignore lol! We are going out for dinner tonight, all arranged by me, something I never did before, he might be being drawn in by sexy/sassy rabbit, but its because Im happy within myself and what I am doing, Im not longing panicking about life, and enjoying it to the fullness I can, having time with H is purely a bonus. Going to the funeral on my own and looking content with my lot and not being embarrassed about my marriage going down the pan, not only was fantastic for me, but again got H's attention. I have however set an expiry time on all this naughtiness, the end of November, if he signs a new lease on his flat, everything will stop, he needs to know that I will start 2010 without him if I have too!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Good for you rabbit. You sound really positive. I think having a date in mind is really helpful and I have done the same at times, always knowing that I can readjust the times as I get closer to them. Hope dinner is fabulous!
H got stuck in traffic so we didnt really get any time to spend together before going out. He turned up in a tshirt and cord pants, which I had mentioned dressing smart casual, although he dug out a shirt from the wardrobe when I said I was wearing a dress, felt a bit angst that he didnt listen to me, or felt that he was dressed up sufficiently.
Tried to find the quicker way to restaurant only to find the fair was on and several roads had been closed so was beginning to feel it was going to be a disaster, but H seemed upbeat still so I said thank you for not getting peeved that I had got him lost, and also it was a 180 for me as I calmly said "not to worry about the restaurant my freinds P was quite late last time and they didnt seem too worried" before I would have been quite stressy about this.
Conversation seemed quite awkward this time, he seemed to want me to tell him how I had changed, so I said if it wasnt obvious then I wasnt going to tell him, and he relayed off a few insights, and then I validated a few and explained a few further. I do think he really was quite tired to be expected having spent three hours on the motorway but then he chose to move lol!
Mentioned that it was his turn to arrange a date, didnt say when. Gave him his present a book, with some naughty post it notes in with I.O.U's He does keep saying his single and free and he is enjoying it that way, so I did say I had boundaries and a expiry date, if he doesnt believe me he's gonna wish he did when it goes past that date. Feel a bit like the mouse whose been played by the cat this weekend. Hopefully the cat will return to being a tiger shortly lol!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Hi Rabbit, It seems you handled things very well. Does H normally dress casually?
Good on you for being so calm when you were late. That's something that I have had to work on over the years too. It's something out of my control, I figure and I try hard to just let it go.
It appears that you were in control with the convo, especially around your changes which is really fantastic.Interesting that H felt he wanted to discuss the changes.
Like the strength of character and confidence you exuded by stating you had an expiry date. Well done!
Thanks Cas your input is much appreciated. H is a bit stuck at the moment because he lost a great deal of weight and doesnt have too many clothes that fit, he was taking a bit more care with his appearance, but funny since I managed to get his attention he has put on 8lbs and stopped being so fastidious about his appearance.
I just find it a bit irratating that I always shower and dress up to go out with him, although bearing in mind Im usually in riding gear that would be normal for me, he would come home from work friday, which is dress down day then announce he looked fine and go out in the same thing he had on all day! Just doesnt make me feel very special if you know what I mean.
I think he was a bit surprised on wed when I said I'd organised a date, and I still think he didnt think I'd gone to the trouble of booking a table at a nice gastro pub, got dressed up, got money out to pay for the evening, I offered to drive also, basically I took him out for dinner. I was in control of things instead of him lol!
Just think he is being a bit evasive, asking what changes I'd made, well a blind man could see them let alone a man who I have been with for twenty nine years, Im sure it was because he was tired, but I just felt he was bored and playing me, dont know why I feel like this!
He left this morning after doing some bits and bobs in the house for himself, he keeps making the same joke of "im just popping off" which considering he nearly died on me three years ago isnt funny, although today I said "well let me know so I can claim the insurance" also I was outside working in the garden and ignoring him organising to leave, probably tmi but he went to kiss me goodbye and I asked him to blow his nose, being a man he wiped it with his hand, so I said no blow your nose, he got huffy and went indoors and came out smiling, sorry I said Im not kissing anyone goodbye with an awful nose and he laughed obviously his annoyance about me saying blow your nose subsided when he could see why I said do so!
He is still in mild MLC I suspect, he might be moving forward faster than most but I can still see him digging his heels in just because he can!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Hi Rabbit So, did you both enjoy the dinner and did it go well?? Did he accept any of the IOU's??
Sorry that I haven't been around much this week. Not coming here so often is helping me to put some things in to perspective although the alternate burrow helps equally as much these days!
Busy yesterday and feeling a bit down today. Just wondering what's happening in your world??
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
TBH I found friday/sat with H quite draining, feel a real sense of detachment, if he phoned right this minute and asked me out the answer would be no Im having a nice bath and an early night I just dont want the hassle!
Feel like I need to look after me this week, I have laid the groundwork, I have shown H the new me, in more ways than one and he still asked what had changed so Im a bit well if you cant see it or your just getting to prove it well you can go take a running jump sonny.
So he is responsible for the next date, Im going NC again and spending this week rejuvinating myself and spending more time with madam as I need to get her schooling worked on instead of her just being hacked, lots of chores to do anyway my saddle needs a good clean and madam needs a clip as she is starting to look like a wooley yak pony.
H isnt doing anything up here with his trains next weekend so he cant use that as an excuse to visit so will have to be just him. Although when he thought our date might have to be cancelled so he didnt catch swine flu he did say he wanted to see me so much that he thought we could do breakfast away from the house and the bug monster, pity I didnt sense that when we met?
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Rabbit - I'm pleased that you are enjoying a bit of 'you' time - IMHO you have been burning the candle at both ends with all that's going on at home, with S having swine flu and with all the wonderful DB'ing to get H to come to you. You have done a superb job so far.
Now, I feel that you are right - it's time to rest a wee while. It is time to go nc and discover if that brings H out of his fog .... he has seen the changes, he doesn't need to be told. He is playing you and you are responding. I think that it's time to stop and let him do some of the work, just as you have outlined. When he hears nothing from you, his brain will start ticking over and wonder where you are .... that will lead him to other thoughts and start 'noticing' the changes that you have made of late, not having to ask what they are.
Again, imho, I wonder if our changes are so much for US, that the WAH does not see the changes through his haze ... that means that, to an extent, we are getting it so very right - it is a PERSONAL change and not one that is directed at H. However, we ladies have turned it up a bit with the lingerie and sassy hair, so is it that these WAHs develop some kind of blindness to add to their narcissistic tendancies?! Sorry, I'm being a bit provocative now!
If reconciliation is possible, it's OK for us LBSs to make half of the running but that should be it - 50/50. Unless you achieve that, I guess that the next question is, "Is it worth it?"
I like that H considered breakfast away from the house. It's something that has never been done much in the UK, as far as I am aware. It's big here in Aus and something that my H and I missed out on doing ... there was always an excuse (usually from me) not to go and now I regret that. It's so sociable and with the ocean in your front room at most of the cafés on the strip, it's a crime to have been missing out.
So, take out your vengeance on that saddle and madam's mane and I would make preparation for going nc. I wouldn't go too deep as that may seem churlish to H but you need to go deep enough to make a statement of your intent.
Hang on in there Rabbit ... you have seen some dramatic improvements since you arrived here and I don't think that you should lose faith at this time. There's a crucial time on it's way for your H, in terms his rental, and you need to be clever in maintaining silence balanced with still reeling him in so that he finds the prospect of extending his contract that little bit less attractive every day.
Will check in later - I have to get C6 in before I go to work and she is over the woods playing a merry dance, I'm sure!!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
You been reading my mind again lol! Your post is so spot on its scary! Exactly that detachment has set in good and proper, havent contacted him since he left saturday, and dont intend to, not turning my msn on so he cant just pick me up so to speak.
Its got to be 50/50 not having him back for the following reasons:
1. No one else wants him 2. Hes lonely 3. Its his house he can stay here 4. He thinks that teddy boy can rule ok round here 5. I only have eyes for him 6. Hes got no where to go for xmas (see Im think ahead) lol
No I have to be wanted and loved for who I am now and Im not taking any less. I deserve so much more than all the crappy games he has played. I agree my changes have been for me and ok some of them would certainly benefit H if he returned but they wernt done for him, so I suppose you could be right Nell in their fog they dont see them.
Been out for coffee with my friend and her little girl this morning yummy carrot cake and good conversation, in fact turned it around to a girls night out in a few weeks time she needs to be a woman for a night not a mum of three bless her. Anyway chores to be done now so will mooch around board later.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Good one Rabbit ... it's not so scary that I have read you correctly - it's just that we have got to know each other quite well and we are open and honest in our feedbacks - it's just the way I see your sitch and am able to tell you how I see it as an outsider. We are too close to it sometimes, to see things for ourselves.
In the other burrow, I don't feel that I can be quite as open with you for some strange reason!! Odd that - but I guess we feel a bit more comfortable speaking our minds here with others around - maybe the other burrow is a bit too vulnerable just Rabbit and Nell ..... !!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
