Hi, I am a newcomer with H having unfaithful acts for 8 years and I only get to know last week. I am a sensitive person and actually realised that our M is on the rock quite a while but keep telling myself not to be that sensitive and should have full trust in him. He has been a caring huband and a loving father but only after Mar 09, after our last family trip to Hong Kong, he started to behave out of control. We have lesser communication and he didn't have any concern for me and the kids. I keep telling myself that he will not do any unfaithful act and that he might have some problems he wouldn't want me to get worry (cos I got depression 3 years ago). The situation turned worst last month when he started to come home at 10pm every night and leave the house in the wee morning 3.30am. This ongoing behaviour made me worried and a strong sense that something fishy must be happen (at this point, I still wouldn't want to believe that my H will do anything to hurt me and definitely the kids). I initiated discussions to iron our problems and at first, he refused to talk at all, claiming that nothing went wrong and it's just I being too sensitive. I knew thing wasn't seem good as it sound, so I forced for the last discussion, and this was when he confessed everything. He has been doing the unfatihful acts (which he said going to massage parlour asking for extra service) and sleeping with his ex-girlfriend before marriage. I wasn't quite able to accept the facts but willing to swallow all these to safeguard my family. But then, when he mentioned he has "a group of good girlfriends now" and they did offer him sex but he rejected, I started to lose control of my anger that a EA or even a PA did exists. I have clearly see his body languages when he told me all these that he is ready to leave his kids and family for the OP. He said he will not bear to leave the kids and this will definitely broke his mum heart. Never did he even think that he has already hurt me deeply. I couldn't really pick myself up from there and attempted sucide 2 times. The world seems to collapse on me and my life just change overnight. I am not ready to accept all these.
Then, at this point, God sent me a kind soul and talked me out to be brave and strong for myself and for the kids. I am a good follower as I have no where to turn to and I do not want to do anything on the expense on the kids, so I bravely stand up and move on. I learned to be strong and as each day passed, I get stronger (which I couldn't even believe that I can do that)and make a change for myself which I have never even crossed my mind that I can do it. I always think that I should devote all my love and time to my H and kids and nothing should goes wrong with that. Never did I know that my H started to see me unattractive with outside Fantasy. I keep asking myself "what did I do wrong to deserve these that he has done to me" but whatever I do, I won't get the answer. For now, I know that I won't be able to change his action and thinking, I can only work on myself, I need to be strong, confidence and attractive - I MUST. Just only 5 days past, my H suddenly realised that drastic change in me and started to get worry of my change. To be frank, I was happy at first of his sudden change (as my strategies really work) but asking myself, will this be shortlived too. He is just being selfish that he won't allow me to do what he did to me. He sent me a well composed message(which is not his style)asking for forgiviness and not to change and to be my old self again. I cried not of sympathy but his selfishness that he wants forgiveness for hurting me so much. My advisor told me that I am on the right track that he is feeling remorseful now and he wants the marriage and family. A really good sign for me but I asked myself what's next? Forgiving and mistakes happen again in a few years down the road?
It was when such traumatic incident happened that I realised a wake up call from GOD to me. That I have been losing so much faith in him and he is always watching me closely what I am doing all this while. I started to pray to him daily to get me out of the mess I am in now, and I really amazed with the answered he gave me. He give me a chance to get back my life, a sign of repent from H, a new beginning for my journey ahead and to have faith in him. I will never want to lose that faith in him anymore, be it a good or bad ending for my marriage cos he is always there protecting me with his love.
At this point of time, even though I am not sure what's my life ahead, I am grateful that GOD has already given me alot, I realised and seen so many loves and care from my friends that I never know they exist. I thank GOD for that and the most precious gift - my 3 beautiful kids.
Me 39 H 39 M 14 yrs 3 kids (13,7,5) Hurtbroken startdate: 10/10/09
