Missing her

[RonD]

Thanks to both of you for the advice. I'd agree that in a very real sense I was the WAS; there are issues on both sides but I checked out and decided not to work on them. And in many ways I DID tell her "I told you so" many times, not in so many words but the thought was there!

Anyway, I've been away from this site for a while so here's an update on my sitch:

I started counseling, to help me deal with depression and other issues related to the "why" of the divorce, and what I could do to be a better man. My ex-wife knows I want R but doesn't want to talk about it or the M yet. So, I detached as well as I could (we have contact several times a week due to parenting and grandparenting deals).

Over the last 2 weeks our friendship has, I guess I could say, begun to regrow. We've started doing things together, lunch, dinner, movies, even signed up for cake decorating classes. I drove her to my son's soccer game (about 2 1/2 hours away) yesterday and we spent some time shopping in the little tourist town the game was in. Long story short, I've let her take the lead and done my best to be a better friend to her. She apparently likes the progress I'M making on my end. If things are still going well she's moving back home at the end of the year. We'll start, at least the plan at this time is, with separate bedrooms. And we'll both work towards the same goal, that being reconciliation. She understandably wants to take it slow, and so do I. Hopefully we can both identify the issues that got between us and make it work; no guarantees but I have a lot more hope now and a renewed sense of what we can accomplish together.

Not exactly by the book, but whatever works and we both seem happy with this arrangement for now. Not a divorce busted, but well on the way to getting there.

I'm a little flabbergasted by the speed this whole thing is developing. I had convinced myself that this could take years and had committed to a long road and lots of setbacks possibly. I've been taking a long hard look at myself and have identified several issues I need to work on, and she agrees with my assessment so far. I'm not concerned about her issues at this time; I've discussed couples counseling if this continues to progress and she isn't ruling that out though it is too far in the future for her to want to discuss yet so I'll bide my time and work on myself.

Anyway, I would have given up if not for DR, and this and another site. The support and advice from everybody is just awesome. 75 days from D to talk of R on both sides.

I'll be back as things develop. Thanks to all of you, I love you guys!

Now, if I can just keep from screwing things up again....