Newbie with almost WAW - Need Advice

[sandi2]

I think your W is trying to have her cake and eat it too. She wants to be free to have A with OM, but she wants to maintain a R with you. I believe she needs to know that she can't have it both ways.

She said that she wants us to come together and have these type of talks during S. She also told me that she feels a lot more positive about us.

Yeah, I bet she does. If she is under the impression she has you wrapped around her little finger.....but I think you are going to upset her playhouse!

would it be a bad idea to unemotionally let her know that if it comes to light that her decision to S is motivated by a desire to pursue a relationship with OM, then it will have consequences of some sort.

Be thinking how you will say this to her, so you will not be emotional when the time comes. She needs to see you being a strong male presence before her. Always be standing (if possible) when you say these sort of things to her b/c it is from a position of authority and has more influence. She will either respect what you say or suffer the consequences. (An example would be losing her R with you.)

Another good practice is to use statements that say "I have decided" b/c it shows that you are solid and decisive. For an example:

"I have decided that I cannot be in a R that has three people in it." or
"Our M does not have room for three people in it." or
"I do not believe in an open M."

"I have decided not to pursue a friendship where I am clearly being disrespected". (This is the one I think will get to her the most b/c she wants to keep the rope tied to you.)

"I have decided to make the most of my situation and remember what it is like to be free.". (You are not saying that you will be dating or whatever....but she will get the message loud and clear.)

HBH, I am not too good at these examples, but maybe you can think of ones that will make a better impression. Just remember to be firm (not cold or hateful) and not wishy-washy about what you tell her. She is going to lose control in your personal life and that is what needs to hit her! She is not going to be able to even have you for her best friend! Why should she? She is committing adultry! She is openingly showing the highest disrespect for you....and she thinks you should be her friend?

That was one thing that hit me so hard in my stitch was when my H told me that if I left....there would be no "friendship" thing.