I have to say, I am watching the movie Fireproof again tonight. Second time since my sitch started.
It's a movie that you probably need to watch several times.
I see progress from where I was several weeks ago. NOTHING my wife says has changed...but I do believe that I have changed, and that is visible; not as much as if we were still living together, but certainly visible.
Now, that is not to say I won't be back here crying again in a day or two...and Sandi will have to take her 2x4s out again :-)
I posted a while back that saying I was going to change was not enough. I've said that before and didn't do it...so why would my W believe me now? Actions speak louder than words...but take longer.
I continue to find ways to improve myself. I have gotten involved in things I haven't done before (see my post from last week about golfing with friends). My wife actually emailed and said it hurt her to hear I was doing this because she asked me to golf with her so many times and I ALWAYS said no...I capitolized Always, because that isn't true...you know the rules; never say NEVER, ALWAYS, etc...
So, all I know is that I am not divorced, papers haven't been filed and I see hesitation. I am prepared to file with her next week; but honestly feel it is 50/50 that we will. Maybe I am fabricating the hope...but it is hope. Since I see this hope while doing the things mentioned here, I will continue to do them.
Sandi, please, feel free to keep me in line. The nice thing about being anonymous here is that I can be completly open and honest...so what I post is generally exactly what I am expereincing, seeing and feeling.
Back to the movie. The first time I was a wreck and cried through most of it. Tonight I am feeling more empowered by it.
