Old "newbie" needs help FAST!!! Please respond!!

[d1adsl5a]

Well Gina B, at least there is some physical contact. A hope, something. Hopefully the rest of the week got a bit better. Unfortunately, my has taken a downward slide into the abyss....Lets see: She has started an argument at least three nights this week. I have tried to calm her down most nights. She accused me of so many things again this week, it was sickening. I walked her downstairs to show her that she drank 4 1/2 bottles of wine this week at home, plus a couple beers. I said you get happy for an hour then something sets you off, you yell, the kids cry, defend me for you yelling at me. Same pattern three nights. I just told her to stop you are killing these kids.

Then tonight as she is getting ready to go out, I see her with matching "sexy" underwear. I make a comment of at least you match...Anyway, I walk downstairs, I look at her phone that she rarely leaves out. I see: I hate him to one of her guy friends, to which he replies: kick him out. Then the other guy is talking to her about a "booty call". I lost it again Gina. I am tired of being made a fool. She tried to tell me it was a joke--i don't care anymore. I do care--just hate being made a fool of Gina. She has said, done so many hurtful things I don't know how she can live with herself. To say to another guy, I hate him. Through all this, I never said I hate her to anyone. I just said i hope the emotional cost to me and our family is worth it. I won't let her bring me down Gina. She has betrayed my faith in her spirit, her soul. I just never thought anyone could do this to another human being. I am hurting tonight Gina and it sucks. She did bring me down. She did make me sad. I couldn't be happy with my sons tongight. She took that away from me.

Again, it ended with us both saying this is finished. Her and I texting back and forth defending our positions. I hate this part of my life Gina. I hate it. Why, How can someone do this to a family. Not want to fight for it. I felt good today and it is ending horribly.

I just want this to be over. I want to move on. The problem is it will be years before I can find someone again. I can't put the kids through me dating finding a new wife. That would be too much for them. I so long for someone to care about me. Love me.

I am rambling...thanks for listening.