Tonight my H sent me an e-mail that made me angry. Instead of replying in anger I emailed him a racy response which I thought was very over the top. I was laughing when I sent it and never thought he would take it seriously because there has been nothing but distance between us for months. I have been GALing my butt off and no R talk. Good Kara. Honestly I was just fed up when I sent it and feeling a tad mischievous.
Well, he responded by telling me he was severely tempted but did not think it was a good idea for us to get physical. He repeated that he was very tempted. He said he still had feelings for me but it was too hard to go there again. I asked what was the answer for us. He said he didn't know. I asked whether he wanted to D me. He said no, he genuinely does not know what to do but please don't badger him right now.
I said the response was in jest because I never thought he would respond but that in honesty I was tempted as well and wanted our M to work. (2x4s?). He looked sad when I said it was in jest so I also said, of course I want you and am tempted as well. I told him I did not want a D but that I could not force him to be with me and I would enjoy my life regardless.I told him that living in a house where it feels like we are ignoring each other is childish. I told him even if we decide to separate that there was no reason we could not communicate like adults. He said he was not ignoring me but it was how he was coping with things.
He again said I was very very tempting but there was a lot of water under the bridge which made it difficult for him to be engaged emotionally and he wanted to be fair to both of us.
I thanked him for being truthful and discussing feelings for the first time in months!!!!So, somehow I feel good even though it was not an I love you conversation. It was a conversation about feelings and truth.
What to do now???HELLPPP!!! I think I should retreat to a friendly non-pursuing space.
