Don't apologize. First, I think it is difficult to relay all aspects of a situation in a forum like this. Hoenstly, I tend to come here when I am at my lowest, and that shows in my posts. Tonight is actually an exception to that. I do post here as a way to vent my feelings, as opposed to allowing them to flow in front of my wife.
I am comfortable with what I said to her. I didn't cry, ask her to come back or anything like that. In fact I asked her what more I could do to help sell our new house...that is when she got emmotional.
I did say I missed her. Beyond that, I didn't say more about our R.
So, here is what I have...
My wife asked for a divorce. She wanted to file "the next day". That was almost 7 weeks ago.
She has given me forms to fill out, financial disclosures, and asked for them to be done by next Wed. That was two weeks from when she asked.
She said, at the time she gave me the forms, that she wanted to file by the 23rd. Now she has planned a b-day sleep over for our daughter that night and wants me to help out...seems like an odd thing to do if we will be filing that day.
She knows we need to sell the house. She asked me to "at least help her do it". I got the sign from our old house and put it in the garage and let her know it was there and could be put up. It is still in the garage almost 2 weeks later.
She did use the word "Think" when she said "I don't think I could love you again, at least not like I did".
She has accepted an offer from a co-friend to talk. This is a person who went through a similar situation when she was our age (she's about 25 years older than us). This is a new thing, until now, she hasn't wanted anyone to talk to her; she didn't want anyone to change her mind.
She accidentally called me "sweetie" the other day.
She told me on a Friday that she didn't want to know what I was doing with my personal time. 48 hours later she asked me if I was seeing someone because she heard I was.
I can explain aaway each and everyone of these things with logic. but their sum total paints a picture that does not match her words.
I have "walked away", that is tough to do as clearly as the DB book portrays when you have kids. We have to interact. We have to talk.
I don't email her. When she emails me...and she does, and about completly random things, often times redundant things, I reply after a short time (an hour or two) with very specific answers. Sort of how a friend would reply. I am always cheery, even if I am feeling down.
When I find myself in a situation with her face to face, I look her in the eye, I listen to her, I never show anger or sadness. I don't cry.
In talking with many people, they are amazed at "how well" I am doing. I'm not. But that information flows quickly in a town of 19,000 and she hears that.
I am in the public eye. Just yesterday I gave a speech at a ground breaking. I was funny, and probably gave one of the best performances of my career. It was televised and put on our local website. In addition, it was for the organization where my W works and they sent out an email with a link to the video to all 5000 employees stating that the Mayor's comments had the crowd laughing. She got the email.
I am GALing. I have done things I haven't done in a decade. I've rekindled friendships and found positive outlets for myself.
Hell...I bought a guitar today. She'll be very confussed by that move! An impulsive buy on something I have never shown an interest in before.
I know she is confussed...but so am I. I am enjoying this time away and when I am with the kids, I am enjoying that. Tonight we had dinner with grandma, played ball, watched a movie and did bedtime stories. It's becoming a ritual to do some of these things that were "special events" before. I know she has noticed these things too. Don't get me wrong, we are both good parents, but I think in a situatioon like this, everyone gets more focused on parenting.
So, I may have slipped, but I didn't fall. I think this is working. The hope is important. I can't ignore it, but I also understand I can not project this into my interactions with her.
How's that? See, when I am feeling good, I tend to post positive things. When I am whiny, I post things that make you take out the 2x4s.
I apprecaite the feedback. I look forward to more.
