I think you're basically making a boundary...so in that case.
If you don't back it up...I'll just call you Mr. Fix the puff ball. : )
You have to address it if it is a boundary.
As for the pillow? [censored] man why didn't you rip it bac and let her eat a mouthful of feathers? You want the pillow? You want the PILLOW?!!??! You can't handle the PILLOW! (whack her with the pillow)
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I'll point out her behavior tonight. If she decides not to come to bed until the AM - I don't think I'll hit her with the pillow , but If I'm awake enough I'll tell her to find he own pillow.
Hi Trapt - I debated on the idea of going out by myself. I wanted to go out for drinks with her as an opportunity for ther to talk about things. Her work, friends our D11, but not our R.
I talked to my W on the phone (less confrontational for her) about waking me up in the middle of the night. I told her she ripped the pillow right from under me. She said is it was dark and that I had all the bed. Of course I did I answered back you don't come to bed, I'm going to make myself comfortable.
The point of the conversation was to let her know what she's doing. She needs to be accountable for her own actions. If she goes to bed late - I'll be sleeping like a log.
I confronted her about saying yes to going out and not following through. I asked her to give me the courtesy to do what she agrees on.
This weekend I didn't let her get away with any indecisions. I asked her about something and she didn't know. I said either yes or no nothing else. She said no. Okay, I'm okay with that and did my own thing.
She fell a sleep last night while watching TV. I asked if she was going to bed. Of course she didn't know so I asked if she was planning to sleep on the couch for the night. No, she she said and fell back a sleep. When I went to bed, I told her she's been sleeping and would get better rest in bed. She said she wasn't sure if she was going to be or not. I said well I'm going to bed and you don't know are you comin to bed or not. She got up and came to bed.
Well the new plan seems to be working. As an update I'm not letting her get away with maybe, I don't know or even a yup when asked a question. This will help in two ways. First her indecision will allow me more freedom to do what I want. Second she's now accountable for her decisions and actions.
Last night she fell a sleep downstairs again. I woke her up as I usually do to say goodnight. Instead of asking if she was coming to bed, I recommend she sleep on the couch tonight. This way she can get a goodnights sleep. Lately, I've been accused of waking her up in the middle of the night either by moving around too much or putting my arm around her.
Last night she tossed and turned waking me up. In the morning I asked how she slept not very well she replied. I kept waking up she said. I asked why she kept waking up if was a dream or was she ill. So I told her how she woke me up. Then she replied why she kept on waking up on her on.
Another small change. This time I wasn't accused of her bad night's sleep. Instead she was made accountable for waking me up. This way I can't be silently punished for something I didn't do. BTW - I don't care about being woken up at night. Howerver, I can be a real A$$ if you try waking me up in the moring.
I still need to do some DB'ing when I'm talking to my wife. I learned how to actively listen and use it as often as possible. I'm not a saint and when I started the R talks things got scary. This where I wasn't very nice.
I can't tell you how many different plans and stradegies I tried to build an R with her. What I can tell is somethings worked and others well worked until she caught on what I was doing.
This accountability is the last thing and maybe even the final method of working on my R.
I'm a heavy sleeper, so trying to wake me up in the morning isn't easy. My w tried a few times and didn't get anywhere. I ask her to wake me up when she's home after a late evening but she refuses to. Possibly with this new approach it may happen but I won't ask for a while.
I know what you mean about them catching on. Even active listening can make my H go quiet, not that he's much of a talker anyway.
I'm such a light sleeper (under most circumstances) that you can ask me a question and I'll answer, completely aware of what we're talking about. I'd love to have some sleep like a rock in me.
, but If I'm awake enough I'll tell her to find he own pillow.