My W and I have been talking, and we will soon decide whether we're going to try to save our M. If she decides no, then I'll be in a similar boat with you. I will want to cut off entirely, just so I can grieve and move on with my life.
The kid transitions are the hard part, aren't they? Do you have any family in the area that could act as transitions buffers? My W's mother lives near us, and she could do that if I really need it. Otherwise, just keep any talk with your W to that of the business of raising your kids. No chit chat about your lives, or even about the kids. Just dates, times, etc. My biggest hurdle to do that will be the kids themselves. They will pick up on Mommy and Daddy not talking anymore, and they will ask about it. They will also do their best to bring us together. They're very sneaky about it!
I don't quite understand why your W isn't giving you child support if you're taking care of the kids. Doesn't have to be a lot right now, but enough so you can feed them! What are the laws in your state?
I feel your pain about the legal costs. My W and I just decided to delay our separation until next year because of the expense, or at least that's the excuse we gave the mediator. In reality, we're not sure we want a D, so we're tiring of spending the money on what might be a big waste.
