Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

I know you guys says that this is about me and I agree.

However I was out tonight, for me, with a new friend that I made a few months ago. Been asking him to go out for a beer for a while and we did it tonight finally.

W's work colleague walks in. Sits down with her friend and on the way to the toilet I deliberately say Hi. This will obviously get back to W that I am 'out'.

As I said, this isn't about her, but when you change (as I rarely went out while we were M) it's nice to know she will notice by finding out through a method you have no control over at all and it won't seem like I'm trying to 'show her' or 'fake it'.

The going out was for me. Her friend walking in was nothing but a nice ego boost bonus.
It felt good.

[P17]

My W is spending time with me and my D on Monday coming between 10am and 7pm (not sure how the OM is tolerating her spending all day with us unless he went back home - that was a wonder rather than me caring).

Can anybody give me some tips to handle this? I always ask her about how work has been and she usually chats away with me about it and I always thought that was a good way for us to communicate. However I am thinking, since I am trying to go as dark as I can, with the exception of communicating and spending time with my D, that maybe I should just keep things as basic as possible and I won't discuss that with her?

My other concern is my mood. I've been reading the DR book and it suggests being happy but not too overly happy.

Basically, can you guys give me any hints, tips and advice how to handle Monday?

[ClingingToHope]

Treat her like a cousin. Good to be around but don't hang on her every word or try to devine her moods. The is your D's day, don't ruin it or weigh it down with great expectations.

I wish you luck. I'm in total avoidance mode.

[P17]

Treat her like a cousin. Good to be around but don't hang on her every word or try to devine her moods. The is your D's day, don't ruin it or weigh it down with great expectations.

I wish you luck. I'm in total avoidance mode.

I'm trying hard to let go so I don't have any expectations at all. I just don't want to appear too enthusiastic or too of anything.

I have been invited away next week (23 October) by a friend so I will need to cancel one of the dates my W has made for my D and me. Again, another small victory of me GALing. I know again this isn't about her, but about me. But she has to know about the cancelled date.

I assume the usual plan is tell her nothing other than I've been invited away for the weekend - this is along the lines of what PDT said earlier in the thread about when he was going out on a date and his wife was enquiring - just say yes, no and volunteer no info?

How is total avoidance mode working for you?

[ClingingToHope]

How is total avoidance mode working for you?

Generally good. Unfortunately, she was at the house when I came to pick up the kids. The youngest has lice so we had to interact a lot this week.

When we first separated I stayed at a friend's house and didn't have the girls on the weekends. I really missed it. BUT since I moved into an apartment 11 weeks ago, I really struggle on the weekends I have them.

I enjoy having them and we have a good time, but I haven't been able to stop wondering what W is doing.

I'm hoping to do better this weekend. I'm calling a friend in Georgia in a couple of hours just to talk it out.

[P17]

How is total avoidance mode working for you?

Generally good.

What results are you getting?

I enjoy having them and we have a good time, but I haven't been able to stop wondering what W is doing.

I completely understand that. I have good and bad days - today is a good day. Yesterday was a bad one. The only thing that I have tried and works is to understand that she is living her own life now and you can't control anything she does. However thinking about it is making me upset, unwell and unhappy. For my own sanity, I try hard to just to feel the feelings and let them wash over me. It doesn't always work, but I'm getting better.

This is the one place that actually keeps me going. Without it I'd have filed for D already.

[P17]

Update.

I needed a copy of the OM's Facebook page for Social Work (as he talks about drugs etc. and I want them to know about this for my D's sake - in confidentiality not so I can be vindictive).

I was quite shocked however that it's been updated since he moved over - as my W doesn't have internet access yet. He updated it from his mobile, and I quote what is on the page.

OM - Sometimes things don't quite go as you planned.
Friend - What's happened?
OM - Made a big decision that I wish I had thought through.
Friend - Would it have made the answer any different though.
OM - It sure would and I wish I could turn the clock back.
Friend - Can't you change your mind about whatever it is?
OM - (no answer but his friend suggested they email)

The big decision could be anything but let's use common sense and he's probably talking about moving in with W. They could also just have fallen out (which is likely given her emotional state) and this is just a venting. I am reading nothing into this other than there may be trouble in paradise.

However, W can see his Facebook page (when she get's internet access) so why be so public?!? <confused>

[Puppy Dog Tails]

He could have bought a guinea pig instead of a puppy -- fuhgeddaboutit. You're obsessing!

(I know; we all do it).

What do you have going on today?

Puppy

[ClingingToHope]

This is the one place that actually keeps me going. Without it I'd have filed for D already.

Yes. Me too. I look at how she's acting and can't believe she'll ever melt the ice mountain to the point we'd talk about the M. But then there are success stories on here as well as near success stories where at least the WAS made a last ditch effort.

In my case, five months seems like a long time, but I've only been in LRT and NC for 11 days now. I want to see how the winter goes. I've got a really good winter planned. I've got Thanksgiving set up now. Christmas? Who knows. Maybe I'll plan a party for my single coworker friends.

In any case, each week I get stronger. This site and all of the other situations sustains me.

[P17]

He could have bought a guinea pig instead of a puppy -- fuhgeddaboutit. You're obsessing!

(I know; we all do it).

OH COME ON PDT, you are SO cynical :-)

I have forgotten about it. I have to be honest, it just makes me smile. It could be a 1000 things he's talking about but one thing that this little episode with my W has taught me is that I must trust my gut more as it's been right every time so far. The OM moving in with the W is not really that big a decision. However he has moved from an island where he kids, friends and job are 100 miles north and a 6 hour journey away to a place that he has never been to and with a woman who has never really been with. THAT is a big decision.

I always wanted my wife to know that the grass is never greener on the other side. It's just as full of dog s**t as the side over here. It just might be cut differently.

This to me kind of proves it, and as I said, make me smile (however wrong that may be). It give me no additional hope and I get no more ticks on the 'recovery' process but the OM having second thoughts is a bonus.

What do you have going on today?

I actually had lots and lots of plans today. Every single one of them has went on the back burner as every time I sit down, I fall asleep. Was out last night (as I said earlier) and that, along with bad dreams and no sleep, mean I am very tired!