I appreciate everyone's comments. The OW is married with 3 grown children in twenties--my kids are 21 and 24. I dont think my H cares enough about how they feel totally betrayed by their dad to stop him from anything at this point. My H apparently stayed in the marriage til the kids were grown. I am just hoping he will tire of her. I actually think that if the OW H finds out it will speed up the divorce--what would stop them once everyone knows. SO I am trying to buy some time but a part of me wants to confront. There would be some censor from his parents and some friends but D is so common now it would blow over. My H older sister actually ended up with her neighbor 25 years ago and by the time his parents spun it--it was the H fault for going out on his boat too much. Infidelity is easily excused. IF I were the OW H, I would like to know but Ihave read enough on these boards to know if I were to tell him, he has no loyalty to me and he could use it, it would make my H mad,might escalate things, and as most say here--the affair is about letting the marriage fall apart, losing communication skills and not really about the OW. If there were young kids on either side, airing the affair might make a difference. I am open to other opinions on this especially if somehow I should let OW H know--maybe he does but I doubt it as she is still sneaking around.
