W wants to separate

[notagoodlistener]

Great. I now am told that instead of the baby sitter tomorrow night so we can both go out separately, "We wont be home". She is taking D after she gets out of work Saturday afternoon and leaving for the night. Chances are that after I transition D to her tomorrow afternoon, she'll leave and I won't see her again possibly until next weekend if I don't pursue her at all. I feel like there is so much downward momentum that it is just sucking us in. It's killing me.

Then my mom called me at work and was sort of crying because she found out from my brother. I had a falling out with my parents over my W sort of and we haven't been talking lately. She said how sorry she was and how she is here for me and always has been.

Just F-ing great. I'm at work and just not getting anything don. Can't focus. Don't know what to do. At this point, I really just feel like I have no control over the situation. I need to find a way to just let go and live but it is so hard to actually do. I know she is home with D tonight becuase she has to wake up early for work. I'm debating just forcing myself to go out after work and not coming home until later in the night just before bed time.

I did happen to look at her recent calls real quick, but only found one in the past few days that would raise a flag. Some old friend that the kids had a play date with a couple weeks ago before this mess really hit hard. I know he supposedly has a GF too, but that doesn't mean anything. All the threads on here about having an A have made me more paranoid, but I could definitely see where there could be an EA. Unfortunately, I don't have access to her phone records but know she definitely texts alot. I hate myself for even looking. Now I'm wondering if it is worth hiring a PI or something to check into it and how much that would cost me. I would have never thought that it would be a possibility, but now I'm just not so sure and don't feel like I know her that well.