If you're still treating him like the king in his castle, why should he change his behavior? Standing for your M is one thing. Standing while he wipes his feet on you is another.
Next time why don't you make dinner for yourself and if he's surprised you didn't make him one, just look surprised and say that there was some instant macaroni in the cupboard if he was hungry.
Or go out with your friends to someplace fancy and treat yourself. He doesn't need to know who you're going out with. You're showing that you're always going to be there no matter what he does. And obviously it's not working.
So what are you going to do differently?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I read what you say about unconditional love. At the end of the day only you can know what services you are comfortable providing for your husband i.e cooking or whatever. I don't know what God has said to your heart about your sitch. You do.
It seems to me that your H goes out and you are the one being left at home much of the time. I could be misreading the sitch because I haven't followed from the start. But I do know that 90% of this battle is mental. And you will feel a lot better mentally if you go out and leave him at home some of the time. What are you doing that is new and fresh? Any new clothes? Haircut? New routine? Be unpredictable. Trust me, even if your H SAYS nothing, he will notice. He can't help but notice. And, more importantly, you will feel a LOT more positive mentally. I cannot stress enough that DBing is a mental battle.
As I said, I haven't been reading from the start, so I am not sure what changes you have been making.
I appreciate the advice you have given me. I am open to anything that may turn alien H back into the authentic one.
Kara ~ You mentioned how they act like they don't notice when they really do.... So... When I was in the grocery store last night, I noticed some beautiful fall flowers that I thought would look gorgeous in the living room. I bought them, put them in a vase of water, and left them on the kitchen counter until I decided just where in the living room I wanted to place them. When I got home from work tonight, there was a note attached to the vase. It read " Nice flowers, Congrats, H. I believe he thinks someone bought them for me. CRAZY. I took the note off and placed them on the coffee table. Should I ask him about the note? What he meant by Congrats? Should I tell him it's not what he thinks? Any advice?
I wouldn't say anything about the flowers or the note. Definitely don't offer the info that it is not what he thinks. That's just my opinion. After all, he doesn't bother telling you anything, right? Let him wonder . . .
So what do you think... Crazy huh! Offering me Congrats. For what I wonder. I hope he doesn't think I have no morals like him. I'm definitely saving the receipt in case he throws it up to my face. He would really like me to have someone to take some of the guilt off him. That's if he had any.
I think it is great that he noticed the flowers and thought about it enough to even write a note. Who really knows what is going through his head. I wouldn't worry too much about him throwing it in your face - and your truth is an innocent one so nothing to worry about. Try not to feel like you need to defend yourself.
My roommate is . . . still an alien. He has done some surprisingly "normal" and "good" things lately but also seems to now be in a truly deep funk and still got lots of crazy in there. I am just trying to let him be, be grateful for the positives but not try to read anything into them, and just concentrate on the kids and me.
It is obvious this is going to be a long journey, but you can't get through it without going through it, if that makes any sense.
That was what H said to me right before walking out the door before 10:00 this morning. He came home from work yesterday in the middle of the night. I know I shouldn't focus on him, but it's hard when your living in the same house. He has no morals and is out there having a ball, while I have morals and watch him walk out the door. She must really be yanking his chain pretty good right now. I really don't know where he is going, or who he is going to see. He does it so smoothly, like he's running an errand or something. I know I wouldn't be able to do that to him.
I hope she enjoys his look today... Hawaiian shirt, shorts, and sandals. In October
Oh where or where has my H gone... Will the Mothership be replacing the Aliens with the real ones anytime soon.
What is new with you this weekend? Did you go out for some clean honest fun and leave him at home for a change? As TF says, did you do anything for YOU?
I didn't do anything fun persay, but I did go to church this morning. The church band is really good and they play all the current songs that you hear on the Christian radio stations. They have a big screen that flashes the words to the songs. It is really fun to sing along to them. That would be my fun, doing something for me part!
H was up when I left for church, but wasn't here when I got home. He put the radio on playing my fav Christian station though. Mmmm ... wonder what that was all about.
The Joy of the LORD continues to be my STRENGTH as it should be for everybody.
