Ups and Downs

[tryingtilDorR]

I know my W has been looking at rental houses online, but I know that we can't stay in limbo forever so I figured is that she needs to face the reality of moving and really consider whether or not that is what she wants, so the fact that she is looking is OK with me since I know SHE has to make the decision about this and I Can't control her. Just about the only thing that might make her stay is the reality of what leaving means.

The last time my W told me that she wanted to move out and separate a few weeks back I said "OK - what do you need from me to make it happen?" I have also told her that I don't want this so she knows that, so it doesn't come accross to her like I am encouraging her or anything - just that I am indifferent either way.

Since then, she hasn't mentioned moving out and things have been a lot less tense around the house. She is still thinking about it and still looks at real estate here and there, but the fact that I gave in and didn't argue with her about it diffused a lot of tension I think.

You might want to try it if you truly are up to it and believe you will be OK if she leaves. You might not be there yet I realize, but focus on the fact that at the end of the day, your W needs to 'choose' to be with you, and the fact that you want her to stay and still love her probably isn't going to be a deciding factor in the situation. It is all her. She won't choose you unless she thinks you are moving on most likely. If you get to the point where you realize you don't want to be with someone who doesn't choose to be with you then you will detatch enough to successfully do this most likely.

I know that is what hit me over the head one day and caused a shift in my attitude.