Okay, I'm weighing in here as a FWAW. I had an affair in my first marriage.

First of all- no one wants to admit it because they don't want to have to take the blame for the marriage not working- they want to blame it all on you. That's called blameshifting.

I had been married 13 years- had two awesome kids-I attended the same church for 15 years- was a Sunday School teacher for years.
If anyone would have told me that I would ever end up having an affair I would have said no way- in fact I judged others who had.

The reason we're all jumping to infidelity is because what she is saying and doing isn't unique to us-it is to you but not to us. Cheaters pretty much all say the same things to their spouse when in an affair. I've done tons of reading on this subject and been a member of several relationship boards where I have seen it happen over and over again.

My exhusband had me dead to rights with my phone detail and I still wouldn't admit it to him. Looked him, my exinlaws, and my pastor dead in the eye and told them I was not.

She's enjoying you guys being friends right now and she's hoping you guys can have a friendly divorce- so she doesn't have to take responsibility for the things she has done. Plus, she's allowing you to meet certain needs right now- and she's letting the potential OM meet some as well.

If she wants to go she can-kids if any stay with you in the marital home for their comfort. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR BED.

All I'm asking is that you dig just a little bit to verify if she's telling the truth. Getting the detailed cell phone bill would be telling and pretty easy to obtain.

Trust but verify should be your rule now.

Contact an attorney to see what your rights are.

In case you didn't hear me the first time- DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME. If she wants to leave she can but you will not be paying her rent- car note or bills- see that's all part of that independence she says she wants so bad. Usually WAW are so unprepared to see what it's really like financially- and they expect their BH to continue to tote the note on their expenses.