I don't think you're paranoid. The fact that he is willing to place this woman over you so many times says it all I think. I have to basically restate what I've already told you; are you willing to live like this for years and years? If not, then you need to set up some serious boundaries for him. If you don't want to live with an H that continually texts an OW like that, then you need to tell him that. And be ready to enforce your boundaries as well. I think sometimes we are too much doormats with DBing, and I don't think that's ever a good idea.
I'm sorry you have felt unwelcome here at times. Posters here don't mean to sound unwelcoming; more try to help as much as possible.
It helps to post on others posts (as you just did on mine) and "meet" others and then they will post on yours as well. And some are in crisis mode, so they won't be able to post as much, but still good to read others' sitches. We all have so much in common; its almost weird. Thanks for posting on my thread! Karen
Karen