Nonetheless-- and this is VITAL-- she is not doing this to you! She is not doing this to you any more than an alcoholic is drinking "to" their spouse. She is involved in this because of her own issues. You cannot allow yourself to believe you are a victim in this, or all you'll ever be is a victim, at the whim of whatever your W, the OM, or anyone else is doing. You will be reactive instead of proactive and out of control for as long as you are a victim. Go get yourself in front of a mirror and spend 5 or 10 minutes just staring at yourself. Whatever comes up, accept it and acknowledge it. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to yell, yell. Then, when you're done with that, even if you need to fake it, look as deeply as you can at yourself and tell yourself, "I am stronger than ANYTHING life can throw at me. I am thriving no matter what. I am in control!"
