@Sandi2 - I really really don't know if I want to be married to a person who could do this to me. What's more difficult is that I'm not even sure if I don't know or whether I'm just scared to admit it, give up, and move on. I need to do a bit of soul searching I think. What keeps me from giving up completely is that this woman who left is a mess and is a million miles away from the woman I knew just a few months ago. That makes me want to wait for her, but the old her not this new cold hearted creature. I can't see how somebody can change like that, permanently, overnight (almost).
Trust me, I know where this kind of feeling comes from, as my W has been having an SA that began a week after she was regularly doing things like caressing my cheek, telling me in the softest, most re-assuring voice that, "no matter what, I love you and you love me and we can handle ANYTHING life throws at us. We've made it through all of our challenges this far and we'll always be there for each other to keep making it through, as we grow in even grater love together." Less than a week later she was sleeping with our neighbor and telling me that I was being over-controlling and paranoid/crazy when I said that I thought they were spending too much time together and that he'd told me some pretty scary things about who he was.
Nonetheless-- and this is VITAL-- she is not doing this to you! She is not doing this to you any more than an alcoholic is drinking "to" their spouse. She is involved in this because of her own issues. You cannot allow yourself to believe you are a victim in this, or all you'll ever be is a victim, at the whim of whatever your W, the OM, or anyone else is doing. You will be reactive instead of proactive and out of control for as long as you are a victim. Go get yourself in front of a mirror and spend 5 or 10 minutes just staring at yourself. Whatever comes up, accept it and acknowledge it. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to yell, yell. Then, when you're done with that, even if you need to fake it, look as deeply as you can at yourself and tell yourself, "I am stronger than ANYTHING life can throw at me. I am thriving no matter what. I am in control!"
I know how hard this is. We all do. Start manifesting your destiny now!!!
