Over the Shock and GALing 6

[tryingtilDorR]

He is being selfish.... He is basically telling her "you aren't doing the work.. If you did the work you would love me or we could work this out.. do what I want. Do it my way. If you would do the work and quit being a victim we would be happy".......

"Give me what I want. Give me what I want. What you want is not important. You are in a fog. You don't make sense. You aren't doing the work. I have tried and tried. I have been compassionate and opened up.You won't talk. You keep blaming me. You this and you that...."
I can see why this isn't working....

Thinker - I was in the same frame of mind that Gucci described above for a long time, particularly when we went to the "Marriage Emergency Room" of Retrouvaille. In my case, I used the fact that she was having an EA to justify my behavior and the demands I was putting on her for a long time. I was in a state of thinking "Poor me, she is having an EA and won't wake up and do what's right for our family and our M, how could she do this?...."

While my opinions were very valid, I was using them, and the anger that came along with it, as a free pass to do the wrong things when it came to trying to keep my M together.

Only now that I feel like I have truly broken out of this cycle, can I look back and realize that what Gucci describes above is exactly where I was at. It is the fishbowl effect. When I was in the middle of it I didn't get it and fueled my behavior by focusing on the fact that she had an EA (even though I knew it was unproductive and needed to detatch - emotions were driving the ship).

You seem to be in the same situation I was in. She is only looking for things to get angry about and justify why she doesn't want to be M to you right now, so keep that in mind. I think you know this all too well, but our emotions overcome logic very easily.

Stay strong and don't give her fuel/ammunition for her WAW fire.