I have read plenty of compassionate validating from Thinker. He has been doing The Work. Mrs. Thinker has not. And when together they made the decision to go to the Marriage Emergency Room (Retro), she refused treatment. I agree he should let her go - as in "if you are miserable in this M, get going - move out, file...be a Big Girl." He can protect himself legally and still work on the M. He can insist on her being a Big Girl and still work on the M. But I believe she needs to be held accountable for the WORDS she s throwing around - to the C, to Thinker...if he is so awful, then she needs to get out of there. FWIW - I don't think she will leave...and she'll say that's his fault, too. She oozes Victim.
Greek [/quote]
Greek if has been showing her compassion its what thinker thinks she needs and not what she askes for. Compassion on his terms is not compassion she wants or needs
"She needs to be held accountable for the WORDS she is throwing around" She's testing Thinker to see if he will continue to keep up the Dance and allow her to play the Victom to Justify her own happiness. The only way this stops is if he gets out of the cycle that allows her to see her self as a victom. Forcing her to see the error of her ways keeps her there. She needs to be allowed to feel and experience her feelings and her terms. Thinker it stinks to be in this situation. But the only way to stop the cycle is allow her to be her. that stinks and only you can determine how long you can put up with it. She needs time and space. Retro, you need to get out, she needs to get out, is not giving her the space that she wants or needs. She wants the dance to stop just asmuch as Thinker does. She doesn't know how and any time Thinker participates in the dance it reenforcers her feelings.
Let go Thinker. 11 months no changes. Let it go. Worry----Fear----Anger----Control.
JJ
H:37 W:34 D11,S8,S6 Together 19 years M:10 Bomb:4/09
