Just made an observation. Shortly after W dropped the bomb, we had a discussion after I had done some soul searching. I discussed with her the major changes I was going to make in my life. The only thing I asked her was to give me the time to show her I could make those changes (I have) and not to make a final decision until I had time to show her my changes. In response, W, quite angrily, said "Well, I will wait, but I'm not going to wait 6 months."
Monday will mark 6 months from the day of the bomb. I never, in my wildest imagination, would have then believed I would still be M'd and typing this post.
I only bring this up to mark a significant date. Not a date when everything is fine. But a date when I'm still here and I'm still fighting. Who knows how long it will take to get our M back on track. But, I do know I have beaten W's arbitrary deadline.
You da man! Keep fighting the good fight. I see alot of good things in your situation. I wish mine was more like your situation, but every person and situation is different.
Keep doing, LFH
ME: 38 W: 35 D2.5 and S5 Married 12 years Separated (same house, different rooms) INILWYAM by W: 4/16/2009 The day W requested a D: 4/17/2009
I have been following your sitch but didn't have any new insights to post. I agree with the other feedback you've been getting that there seems to be a lot of small, forward movement. It is good that you had the realization about passing the 6 month mark. I think that you should celebrate that somehow. Treat yourself to something special. You have done an honorable thing in standing for your M. We all here recognize that. Your children are watching and learning from you.
I think your C's advice to begin slowly pushing into your W's space is excellent and your approach in doing so seems right on. I LOVED what you did in putting the note in your W's car for her. You are doing a series of experiments and collecting outcomes data. I also REALLY like the ideas of gently putting hand on the small of W's back as you try to move past her to get something that you don't need (BRILLIANT!). Her response to these gestures tells you more about W's REAL thoughts than any words she might say.
.....another thought......unless your W is having significant mental health problems, and it doesn't sound like she is, SHE is probably well aware of the 6 month anniversary too. If I were you I would watch her carefully for any signs of HER reaction to this anniversary. You might be able to pick up some ideas of her state of mind in this regard.
If I recall correctly, you're a litigator, right? You probably know sneaky ways to elicit info from people without letting them know what you're doing right? (My sister is a litigator too. That's what she says she tries to do, although it helps if you have a willing witness I guess.)
Thanks for your post. I am a litigator, so I have a few tricks up my sleeve.
Maybe W sees the 6 month mark and reflects on how my changes have not wavered and how I am a new, improved version of me - probably more like what my W fell in love with. Who knows - she has to figure that out.
Gonna try to work in some casual touches this weekend and maybe even a hand hold.
Still have the sleeping arrangement discussion in the back of my mind, but don't want to have that until I feel think the time is right.
There is a mother of another child at my D's school who has sent some emails about her unhappiness that the school does not have a nurse on staff (budget cuts). My W disagrees with this woman for many reasons, and felt compelled to email D's teacher to let her know W's position. In her email, W said she AND I were in agreement on this - W had not talked to me about it before she sent the email.
Nice she seems to be thinking of us as a unit at least some of the time.
