Wow maria, you're long post bought tears to my eyes. Thats wonderful news, I'm soooo happy for you and your family. And then, I read this...
"I am not excited at all. We have been thru this before. I am a bit worried that she may go crazy when he talks to her. I hope he can handle it. But if he cant then..."
M...I know this is hard, I know you've been through so much already with this man and SO much hurt and false starts, but...be happy. Be glad, be excited even.. you won! You won him back. He came back for you, for love. You got what you fought 3 hard years for! Sounds like he is offering you a better M than before even? She's nothing to him now. Trust the universe has given you back what was yours to keep. Stop thinking negatively, ok!? That will just make the reconciliation harder (I had to assume it was behind us now and Helen was zero threat and he HATED it every time I got insecure about her). He's done with her, thats very clear.. you said so yourself.
So what if she goes nuts?? I think that would work in your favour, the crazier and angrier she gets, it will only strengthen his resolve. He's engaged the warp drive and is already light years away from her. I really feel her time is done. Dont give her any more power by allowing the ghost of her to ruin this reconciliation.
As for him not telling you about the email...I had the same thing. I too explained I wanted to know about every contact and why it was important to me. He didnt tell me about texts and a call to his work phone and like you, I found them..Ok, seems Helen wasnt trying to get him back, like you fear christina is, but my fear was there at that early stage, like yours is. But I accepted that he didnt 'get' why it mattered so much to me. He doesnt want her contacting him (she has to for work though!). For him, it was done, over and he didnt want her name mentioned anymore. In his mind, it was less upsetting to NOT tell me. I believe its H just trying to leave it behind and not remind you and would really rather she just went away, than deceive you.
Yes he needs to spell it out to her (I'm glad he realises this) and yes, he's probably being a bit cowardly and weak about it.. but also, he may not want to hurt her anymore unnecessarily and 'rub her face in it' as my bf put it (that he dumped her to come back to me). I can understand that. She's already been hurt enough (which will teach her NOT to pursue M men!) but she lost out here, she doesnt get to spend the rest of her life with him...you do. I actually had compassion for Helen..she had bagged a good one there for a while, my bf is a wonderful guy and she screwed it up because of her own issues (going 'nuts' at him, pushing him to move in etc, like your ow) and she chose to fall in love with the wrong guy.. his heart belonged to someone else. Same as your H.. he was yours all along, even if it didnt look like it !!!
Of course theres alot to work through and unravel, its not easy. I hope your husband is able to be as reassuring and open as you need him to be, to help you lay all of this to rest some months from now.
Seriously, I am so happy for you both (I'm glad I shook his hand now!) and.. ok, gotta say it.. didnt I say you'll know which was this is going by September and be out of limbo by October!!??? I did, I did!
Much love and happiness to you..I feel like dancing a jig! (hey maybe you will be doing that dance soon!)
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Yes I remember. I should have slapped you that day. Damn!!!!
Listen, I am OPTIMISTIC because if I was very negative, what would the use for any of this be? Right? Do, or dont... I am doing, I think
Passionate Marriage is helping so much to do this (transformer, thanks!!! -if you are reading). I even contacted Denver to go there for a 3 day intensive thing (waiting for costs) but I dont think he would agree to such a long trip, who knows?
BUT, we'll see. I am asking for that Rolex on Monday, LOL!! K
The fact is, we have NOT said we are together. And I cant be demanding things or expecting things, but I sure want things from him.
I was trying to figure out why you cried... Found it!! I forgot NOT when I typed this post. I am sorry. We have NOT said anything about being together etc. It's not official or anything. I am still planning my weekend without the kids and him... Sorry... M
Ahhh, yes that was it. Well thats a shame! Maybe I will have to come back over and slap him too then!!! Hahaha. Hey thats great Passionate Marriage has helped you so much, you have reminded me, I meant to dig out my copy and reread it and also see if I can interest bf in reading it with me. Thanks M!
ps..cant you bend a little and at least NOT plan your weekend without him? Meet him for a date??
Be glad, be excited even.. you won! You won him back. He came back for you, for love. You got what you fought 3 hard years for! Sounds like he is offering you a better M than before even?
WARNING!!! WARNING!!!! WARNING!!!
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Sorry Al, I misled you. stbxH called and said the decision still stands, the 3 Chief Editors are quiting. They are talking to another newspaper on Wednesday, trying to make a move, I will not bore you with details but he seems he is done.
If their move works out, he may have all afternoons off or at least decide if he wants to go some nights...
He is very busy with that now but calls and talks to me for a while. He asks for my advice etc etc.
We will spend some time together this weekend because he will take my son to soccer class. Maybe I will will cook lunch.
The weather is rainy. My work is getting better, this week I finished one project and I have 3 days to finish the last one.
be happy. Be glad, be excited even.. you won! You won him back
At the risk of sounding cynical, negative or both, K won a berth in the playoffs. She did well in the (extended) regular season. Now, it's time to put your game face on and grow a playoff beard (hockey parlance i think). I remember making it to piecing. I thought I was out of the woods. take your time K. Do the dating thing as suggested by Ali. The football match was a very good start (ok minus that e-mail).
I understand K's slight reticence, it takes two to tango and you can never really be sure if your partner has his dancing shoes on. Or in this case that YOU are in the mood for dancing.
