Over the Shock and GALing 6

[JTJ]

Thinker,

Here is the control part:

She does not Trust you! She is afraid of you! She has probably lived with this behavior the entire marriage. Worry---->Fear---> Anger---->Control. physically you cannot force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. I deleated apart of this quote that said "i don't like her anymore I wish she would Leave" Control! Control! Control!

Later on Monday morning I threw a complete temper tantrum over nothing - completely irrational, my fault and unreasonable - I agree. Warning! Warning! During that temper tantrum I wanted her to move into another room away from our boys so I could fight with her without it being in front of them. She refused 3 times and finally in frustration I grabbed her arm and pulled her about 3 feet into the next room so I could close the door behind her. She didn't yell, fall, say "Ow" or anything, but it was COMPLETELY unreasonable and irrational of me to get physical with her at all. I have apologized to her multiple times saying how wrong it was. I felt bad for both my temper tantrum and for this.

This whole event lasted maybe 10 minutes. In the 4 days Since then I have been calm - still angry, but just left everything alone, did my work and went about my business.


With the C today, however, She is now calling this "Yanking her through a doorway, and demonstrating to our sons that violence against a woman is OK".

Wrong it was, but believe me, it wasn't violence. I wasn't feeling violent or even thinking violent thoughts. I was in pain and was lashing out verbally, and got really frustrated when she wouldn't step through the door so I moved her against her will. However, I do really understand that seeing me angry could really make her scared. I do.
Help!

Thinker you are getting alot of bad advice about getting a lawyer and wondering what she is going to do next and what about this and what about that. More of the same from you. Worry!!! The cycle begins again. Worry--->Fear----> Anger--->Control!! Stop the cycle She doesn't trus you anymore. She needs you to validate this. Do it save your marriage!!! Worry---->Fear--->Anger----->Control.

I can feel it in your posts now that I look back. your wife feels it to because she has lived with it. lived with your worries your fear your anger and your controling behavior. Let her go! Validate her. Compassionatly!! i've not felt a single whisper of compassion from you Just more of the same. Worry---Fear--->Anger--->Control.

I'm praying for you!

JJ