I remembered that the phone number of the other cell phone was an old one he'd gotten for me. He signed a two year contract for it, but it didn't have reception where I work, and my work got my a new one.
I thought he'd had it disconnected though. I asked him to do that a long time ago as the bill was in both of our names.
So...I went on line to that cell phone company and was able to access the account and see the billings. I printed it all out, then I showed them to Wolfie and asked if he could explain it.
What he said was that he had used it up until he and I separated, and he had an outstanding balance on it before he had it turned off. He thought the billing date and amount owed was right, but though those calls listed were from last year. He told me to call and see if that was the case.
He did not behave in any way like he was lying. He said thaqt he appreciated me coming to him and keeping an open mind about a logical explination. He was very concerned about my feelings and said he had been trying very hard to live his life as an open book to me and the kids, not because we made him feel like he had to, but to make amends. He said he was willing to be accountable for every minute of his day for as long as it takes to regain our trust.
He said it was very hard to be patient and not get defensive when these things come up, like: people from his work gossip and it gets back to me and when the kids think they see him driving around with her in the car and now this thing with the cell phone.
But he said that when he stopped to think about what I was going through...not only having to deal with what is in the past, but to have these things come up for me over and over that make me question if it is still going on...he thought that must be so horrible for me to have to deal with and was very sorry.
He insists that he has not spoken with XOW in all of this time and has never had the slightest desire to.
He also said that he'd been hearing some guy on a talk radio show talk about a book on "emotional infidelity".
He said he could relate to what was being said, about people spending more time at work than ever, and how easy it is to have a friend at work that you joked around with and its all very innocent...until little by little, lines are crossed and suddenly you find yourself wondering how the f you got yourself in THAT situation.
He said that, before I confronted him, he had been trying to distance himself from XOW. He said that she was creeping him out by talking romantically and kept telling her that the whole episode of attempting to have sex with her was a huge mistake and that he only thought of her as a friend. Apparently, he had been getting really uncomfortable and trying to wrestle himself out of the situation when I found out.
Since then, he's thought about some of the things I've said about her violating my life, being preditory, having a very low moral standard to be messing with someone else's H and being so pathetic as to live off the crumbs of another woman's life. He said that he never thought about those things at the time because he felt so guilty himself, but it has added to his disgust to even have to see her.
I told him how I felt about being triggered by some things and some dates that were upcoming. He's my best friend and normally I would come to him to talk about things that might be weighing on my mind and I wished I could come to him without him thinking that I was trying to make him feel like crap. What I really want is for him to hear and understand what I am feeling, and if possible, to help me heal.
He said that he hoped I could see that he is trying very hard and that thought even 10 or 15 years down the road, something could come up that reminds me, but hopefully there won't be as much pain as there is not.
I told him how terrifying it feels to have to work so hard to trust again--and do it DESPITE being terrified that I will suddenly find out that I've been made a fool of and that my life was not what I thought it was.
I didn't get a chance to call the cell phone company because I've been super-busy all day. I'm still trying to make sense out of all that I saw and all that he said.
