Thinker, can you take a few days away? I think you should talk to a lawyer. I also think that it is too intense hashing up all of this stuff while you are both in the same space together. Obviously, some major nerves were hit for both of you. We have no idea what came up for her from the weekend even if it seemed she wasn't participating. You're both acting out some pretty extreme emotions and projections.
I remember this happening with my H before he left (obviously different sitch) but I think a temporary physical separation and counseling would have been preferable to his moving out completely with so much unresolved (it is still lingering 10 months later).
I know that when my H gets physical with me in any way when we are arguing it feels threatening (perhaps disproportionately). But, it is hard to describe the feeling of being manhandled by someone so much bigger than myself. Obviously ending the argument and walking away is preferable to forcing the issue. I know you know this but really this is a sensitive nerve for me and I can relate to it feeling intimidating to her...
A few days off might do a world of good. Just don't leave angry (even though you might very well be).
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Odog idea here; the DB Retreat House where damaged souls can get away for a few days. Activities include Vitamin d replacement therapy (sunlight) for those of us too far north. 2x4's from Puppy and Robx. Wisdom from the almighty guru Coach. Journaling and creative writing from Smiley. Early morning bike rides with antlers. (Who else? I could keep going here.)
End lighthearted diversion. Now back to our regularly scheduled program.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
I'll be honest with you guys, right now I am more and confused and frightened - of what she is going to do next - than angry.
I really now do feel like anything I do or say is going to get misinterpreted, twisted, and used against me.
I am shocked at how far away from truth her beliefs about me are. She is completely and totally mindreading and projecting everything in her head onto me.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
I'm still put off by the statement from the therapist that if you feel like a victim, then you will react with violence. What about her? She feels like the victim, doesn't that put you in danger from her potential violence? Can only men act violently?
Your home has turned into a powder keg. I don't understand how that happened. What needs to happen is that both of you need to turn down the emotional thermostat. Can you two call a truce?
I'm still put off by the statement from the therapist that if you feel like a victim, then you will react with violence. What about her? She feels like the victim, doesn't that put you in danger from her potential violence?
The statement put me off as well - believe me. It puts me in a position of never being able to speak up about anything she does.
I am tired right now. I'm not angry any more (well, maybe a little in there somewhere), but mostly I am just overwhelmed.
Last night I decided to leave for the weekend. Not angrily - I want to spend some time away, and it gives my w some space. I'm still not sure where I am going to go. I don't want to go visit family because that would get my family involved in this mess, and I don't want that.
This morning I hugged her (with her permission), told her I was going to go away for the weekend (she nodded yes). I also told her that if she want's to move out, or proceed with a D, talk to a mediator, then I would support her. I'll help work with the kids to make it as less painful as possible for them, etc.
I said I'm not kicking her out, but she is free to go.
Last edited by Thinker; 10/16/0912:26 PM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
