? for people who have gone to Retrouvaille

[Trixi]

Leaving for retro tomorrow at 2pm. It's gonna be a long drive (about 5 hours).

H is really nervous about going since he "doesn't even know what he wants" but he will go with an open mind.

For myself, I am feeling nervous, too. I am sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't want a divorce, but I know that putting our marriage back together again is going to take a ton of work and frankly, I am just tired. So, even though I would say that it looks like my H is the "presenting patient", I am also in need of a 'reason' to not throw in the towel.

I was reading a link that someone posted for SpyBunny. It was Stosny talking about how traditional marriage counseling won't help when someone is an abuser. One of the comments made was that the abuser blames the victim when they feel guilty. The other night my H says "You're like a saint and it's at my expense." I said "do you mean that because I am "too nice" that you aren't being forced to grow and step up to the plate?" and he said "No. I mean that you're so nice and it makes me feel guilty; it's at my expense that you're so nice." and then he followed up with "Well, maybe I *should* feel guilty." Uh, yeah.

I know I shouldn't have 'expectations', but I feel like MC is useless (oh, if only I had the $ and time to get educated to be a MC- I would do it SO differently...)and this is my "Hail Mary". I'm not getting any younger....