Thinker, can you take a few days away? I think you should talk to a lawyer. I also think that it is too intense hashing up all of this stuff while you are both in the same space together. Obviously, some major nerves were hit for both of you. We have no idea what came up for her from the weekend even if it seemed she wasn't participating. You're both acting out some pretty extreme emotions and projections.
I remember this happening with my H before he left (obviously different sitch) but I think a temporary physical separation and counseling would have been preferable to his moving out completely with so much unresolved (it is still lingering 10 months later).
I know that when my H gets physical with me in any way when we are arguing it feels threatening (perhaps disproportionately). But, it is hard to describe the feeling of being manhandled by someone so much bigger than myself. Obviously ending the argument and walking away is preferable to forcing the issue. I know you know this but really this is a sensitive nerve for me and I can relate to it feeling intimidating to her...
