I'm new wondering if this works...

[BigJohn]

Hope,

A few comments on the last few posts. Coach is on to something with his comments about parent-child dynamics in your MR, definitely something you will want to explore further in MC. I can elaborate further when you get to that point.

GIMA is right about the compliments, but you need to be very understated in how you approach this with your H or he may perceive your efforts as patronizing. In essence, how you want to approach your H is by incorporating a compliment in with a concern in order to get a desired result- with a dash of humility and understanding. Make sense? Look back at my prior post in which I mentioned how your H's behaviors and attitudes were not in synch with his high standards to get an idea of what I am talking about.

I would not put too much weight on the perception that your H has low self esteem right now- this man's main issue is depression. If self-esteem was his problem in the past, he has most likely mitigated it to a large extent by being outstanding in things that are important to him. I would bet that despite being off the rails emotionally at the present, in your H's heart of hearts that would include being an outstanding H and father. BTW, are your in-laws still M? Your H very likely will be very sensitive to any shortcomings of his parents- particularly his own father- and will be loath to repeat any mistakes his father may have made either as a parent or spouse.

You really ought to consider getting your H into either MC or IC as soon as possible- I wouldn't wait another month. Your H sounds very much a results-oriented person- as am I. Use that to your advantage to get his a$$ in gear and into counseling. Tie the need for counseling in with your H getting his head clear in order to pull you guys out of this emotional/financial spiral you are in. He needs to be at the top of his game right now and he is not. Any waffling on his end, print my prior post and shove it under his nose.

Got to run. I'll check in later.