Newbie with almost WAW - Need Advice

[sandi2]

I really wished I could have talked to you one more time before she came to you with the talk before she moved out. Anyway, it happened and I don't know what all you said when you refered to breaking the rules. No use in me trying to tell you what to do or not do in that. So......how about going back to my first post I sent you and reading that again, okay?

Let me say this.....all that stuff she said to you in the talk you had was mostly "script". Now this is what she is really doing......she is wanting to keep you in the wings just in case things doesn't work out like she is hoping. She thinks she knows what she wants. She really wants to experience the single life and have OM......but she wants you to sit nicely in the wings waiting around just as an "insurance policy" for her.

Don't you find it weird how she can turn all this around and make it about your falts--when in reality she is having and A? Do you notice how she is careful to steer the topic of conversation away from her activity and keep it on your faults? She couldn't even be honest enough to give you a straight answer when you point blank asked her about OM and where he fit in this move of hers. You KNOW where he fits!

So, enough about that. You want to know how to act or what to do now that she is moving out. Let me ask you something, will you do what is advised or will you act out of your emotions? B/c you stand a very good chance of reconciling with your W if you play this cool. However, so many people ask for help but then they go do what they KNOW is the wrong thing. If I didn't care about this...I would not take the time out of my own life to try to help. I only say that to let you know this is not a "hobby" for me, okay?

First of all, you have told her numerous times how you feel...so for gosh sakes, don't go into any of that with her again. I can imagine that the "talk" was filled with plenty of that. Stay away from R talk with her. If she emails you and trys to trap you into a R talk.....(and she will).....don't cave....see it as a trap. She is trying to reassure herself that leaving you is/was the right move. If she can get you into a R talk....you'll screw it up and then she'll know you haven't changed at all.

It will appear that she is finding excuses to email you, but don't respond unless it is truly important. Keep it about business matters. If she calls....let it go to VM. If she TM....don't respond right away and then only if important. "Hope you have a good day" is not important. Remember, you are so busy with your life that you just don't get to her calls right then. You don't have time to chit-chat. You are working or GAL. If she whines about it....that's good!

Should you help her move? Well, since you've ALREADY told her you would help....do it. But, do it with good cheer! If you are going to get all emotional about it....then don't. The whole point is for this to make it appear that yhou have had a change of heart and have decidedthat a time apart would be good for BOTH of you. Don't over-kill by acting like a giddy fool on the day she moves out, but find the middle ground and just be cool with it. Do you have a buddy that could help you with this move of hers? Sometimes having a friend around helps break the tension.

She doesn't want the families to know? How realistic is that? Do either of your families live in the same state? How long does she think she can live S from you and the families not know? I find it amusing that she wants EVERYTHING on her own terms....but again, so true to form.

Okay, so when she gets her stuff out of the house.....and BTW...make sure it is done at one time and none of this dragging it out for a week or more......but as soon as she gets it out...then you turn that house into a "man's house". Take any and all of her touches out and don't leave any frilly female touches around. Decorate it to suit you as a man. Take the wedding pictures and keepsakes out of view and pack away. Take any pictures of her and put out of sight. Now, I know you are thinking, "But won't she think that I don't want to reconcile?" See, that is fear thinking and you cannot afford to do that. The girl needs shocked! If she comes back into that house (and maybe you should not wait to start making changes if she takes too long getting her things out) but when she comes back by....she needs to be shocked to see that it looks as if she has been completly wiped out of your life. No traces of her left in that house.

So.....you don't think you want to go that far? Nobody said this would be easy. If you find yourself wanting to hang on to things that bring special "memories" of her in the house.....that is normal, okay? But, you are taking a tough action plan here. These are drastic steps and nobody needs to know what you are trying to do. That includes your friends, family.....everyone. Come here to talk about it and nobody else.


You are probably asking yorself what is it you "are trying to do". This all sounds like some grand ploy to get your W back. It does appear so....but what I am hoping is for you to be able to emotionally detach enough that you can get your mind off of her and focus on your stressful job (don't need to lose that!) and to be able to have some sort of social life. The hard part of this is to act "as if" you are dropping that rope you've hung onto and move forward with your life. You need to act "as if" you will be fine whether she is ever a part of your life again...or not. You keep acting "as if" until it becomes the facts. You don't act on emotions....you act "as if". You HAVE DECIDED....okay?

I don't know how soon this moving day will come....but until then, don't show her how sad you are feeling. You've told her everything already. So keep an upbeat attitude in spite of everything. When she start deviding things....if you feel like you are going to lose it...get out of there. Find somewhere to go. Don't break down in front of her.

Until she leaves....find somewhere to be at night--as late as possible. I know, you want to spend every minute with her...but don't. (I bet she'll be out herself!) Oh...good job on the dark house the other night! Do it again if you have the opportunity.

After she's out of the house....go as dark as possible. No contact with her unless it is absolutely necessary. I don't know how she thinks she is going to keep this covered up and date at the same time. I think you should allow things to kind of fall the way they will. You know people will find out and they are going to talk. She wants to come out smelling like a rose while she is doing the A thing too. Can't happen. Don't fall into the trap of saying anything bad about her to somebody else. Don't talk about your MR with anyone ....especially a woman!

I need to go...this is long. I will check back later. Don't make any rash decisions and check in here as often as you can. I don't have all the answers or advice (for sure) but with everyone chiming in....you can get an idea of what to do.

Take care.