Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

Well that session was unbelievable.

Although, I guess, in a way, it was predictable.

I decided to go in calm and rational, and to listen, and to talk about anger, but not be angry.

We drove there together. On the way in, she drove was completely out of control angry - yelling at other cars, cutting people off and saying she hoped they hit her, etc.

When we got there, I let her start - I wasn't really in the mood to talk.

She started in with her tale of the past 4 days. Factually it was correct - names, dates, places, etc., but emotionally and mentally we were on different planets. She drew and described crazed and evil connotations to everything I had said and done. In her description, I had cracked. I had become an unrecognizable, violent, person. She "Knows people" and "It is her talent to be able to read people" and therefore she "can see it in my eye" that I had become violent. Not just angry - Dangerous! Since I work from home and am in my office all day, I have now become "crazed due to the lack of socialization" and "spend all day up there thinking and rethinking until I have driven myself completely insane". She said that during the past days (when I was trying to stay away from her because I wanted nothing to do with her), she had been crazed with fear for her safety. She cried that she was afraid that she was going to "become a statistic", and "show up in the news".

There was nothing I could say to refute such things. I was calm the whole time - mostly in a state of disbelief. She has built all of this up in her mind, from what was in reality a bad but minor event.
The Honest Truth about the Event:
Sunday night, I started feeling angry, so I left the house - went for a drive and a walk and yelled at the trees for a while to get it out of my system. Monday morning early I went for a workout.

Later on Monday morning I threw a complete temper tantrum over nothing - completely irrational, my fault and unreasonable - I agree. Warning! Warning! During that temper tantrum I wanted her to move into another room away from our boys so I could fight with her without it being in front of them. She refused 3 times and finally in frustration I grabbed her arm and pulled her about 3 feet into the next room so I could close the door behind her. She didn't yell, fall, say "Ow" or anything, but it was COMPLETELY unreasonable and irrational of me to get physical with her at all. I have apologized to her multiple times saying how wrong it was. I felt bad for both my temper tantrum and for this.

This whole event lasted maybe 10 minutes. In the 4 days Since then I have been calm - still angry, but just left everything alone, did my work and went about my business.


With the C today, however, She is now calling this "Yanking her through a doorway, and demonstrating to our sons that violence against a woman is OK".

Wrong it was, but believe me, it wasn't violence. I wasn't feeling violent or even thinking violent thoughts. I was in pain and was lashing out verbally, and got really frustrated when she wouldn't step through the door so I moved her against her will. However, I do really understand that seeing me angry could really make her scared. I do.


During this whole time, the C just sat there and listened to her. This is a man who knows me very well, but he immediately did his job and jumped to her aid, talking to her about how she felt threatened etc. Anything I said was interpreted by both of them as being defensive, so I just shut up. The two of them began asking me to leave the house for some days to "give everyone space" and to "prevent this from escalating into something really bad"

So now I am thinking that I need to go get a L first thing tomorrow morning to defend my self from a potential restraining order.

I am also considering just packing up and leaving. I really don't need this. The only reason I haven't walked out in the past few days is because I would be abandoning my kids.

I don't even like her any more.

Help!