She doesn't love me anymore...or does she?

[Arwen_in_NJ]

Unfortunately, a lot of us here (including me) speak from experience. I, too, thought my W valued our relationship enough that she would come to me and talk if she ever found herself attracted to someone else. We had a good 16 year R as well.

Early last fall, I heard her talking on the phone to someone, and I asked her who it was. She said it was "D", a friend. I had never heard her use those tones with anyone but me, and I said so. I jokingly said "do I need to be worried?" She said if I saw the way "D" looked, I would know I had nothing to worry about, "but she liked it when I got jealous".

I got that feeling in my gut that something was wrong when I visited her in IL for Thanksgiving (she was working a temporary long term job assignment there- we live in NJ). I told her I knew that she was lonely being away from home, and that it if something ever happened (like she went out after work and had too much to drink), it wouldn't be the end of us, we could work it out. She once told me if I ever had an affair, not to bother coming home... I even asked her to her face if she was having an affair, and she looked me in the eye and told me no. In February, she told me about her A- and they had already been sleeping together by Thanksgiving when I asked her.

This week, she is packing up her things in the house and moving to her new place, with OW. So much for knowing your W- in a mid-life crisis they will do things you never thought they would.