I am writing to thank you for all the kind words of advice and encouragement that you have given to me during my time on this board.
My husband lost his battle with depression last month. He left the mental facility after 10 days (beg august), with a promise from his OW that she would get help and treatment for her issues, and went back to her thinking she would get help. He took his meds, went to therapy....she continued to drink and eventually he started to drink with her again.
For the 6 weeks he was back there, the depression manifested itself in physical pain. His back, his feet, his groin...everything. He would text me that he was confused, so messed up, didn't know what to do. He lost his job and I think living with OW and her kids was taking his toll. He was a mess both physically and mentally. I think he saw know way out of the hole he was in.
During his time back with her after the hospital there were several times that he stayed with his parents as there was "trouble at home." Finally, on Sept 24 the police and coroner had come to my door in the middle of the night to tell me my husband shot himself in the head. Hard to believe since he never would allow the kids to have toy guns. (Come to find out later that ow was the owner of the gun).
My H and OW according to the police had been drinking and arguing. She left to help a friend and left him drunk with a loaded weapon. Did not bother to get help or to stay in case he may hurt himself again. According to the police this was not the first time they had been to the home. H and OW had many drunken altercations the police had to break up. Once again hard to believe since H and I never laid a hand on each other....
This woman is truly sick. She was asked not to come to the viewing or funeral but was offered a private viewing to say goodbye....and didn't. She left my FIL a note stating that he was mean for not wanting her there. She even signed her name as D.... G.... Our last name. Like she was married to him. She stated he was her soul mate...I say that she was the death of him.
The family looked at the H in the casket. He looked nothing like my H. He looked old and tired. My kids both said that the picture we put in the paper and on the mass program was from about 5 or 6 years ago. The "real" dad my kids said. Not the man who was so lost the last few years.
My heart aches for my H. I miss him terribly. We had been spending sundays together at d14s softball games and I was really enjoying the time we spent. I think he did too.
I have a heard time with my feelings of anger towards OW. How she could have left him alone in that state with a weapon. She told my d14 via text a few weeks before he passed that he would be home with us soon. I think they constantly played mind games with each other until H couldn't take it anymore.
He died alone. He was drunk. I have to wonder if he was not if he ever would have done this. He promised d14 he would not hurt himself again. He never made peace with our son, but our son got closure by giving his dad his prize baseball cap to take into eternity with him as well as taking part in the services.
If my H only new how much he loved and deserved the loved. His self esteem was gone and his guilt weighed so heavily on him. Two people who were so damaged. I told my FIL that if H went back to live with OW after hospital one of them would not survive. I am sorry I was right.
The kids and I are moving in a few weeks. We are taking our memories of good times and leaving the last few years behind. We are taking one day at a time, going from sad to mad....to being ok. I know that we will always miss and love H. I just he wish he knew that.
