This is really just the first time in a year of being divorced that this has come up.
kat
And only because your X is being an idiot!!! From what you say, if he pushes re: the copays, he would have to come up with money you haven't been having him pay even though it was court-ordered. The 80/20 right? Just b/c he has to be a jerk to you!!!
It was funny, I was talking to a guy that I used to work with on FB. He knew ex. He was really surprised about the divorce. Anyway as you all could tell I was a bit out of sorts yesterday and I told him how frustrating it all is/was. He actually said, "I always thought Bryan was full of himself. But you seemed really happy so I didn't interfere."
So I suppose there were signs of what a jerk he could be but he was just usually sweet to me way back then. Not now. The friend of mine has gone through this twice but is still willing to give it another go. Nice to know that faith isn't dead.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Kat, They say love is blind. After my H and I separated I also had many people talk about how arrogant he was and how they would have never put us together.
I all know we say that the WAS becomes a person we did not marry. I totally believe this. My H used to be really kind and crazy about his family. I look back now and I can see the changes about three years before we separated. I guess the signs are there but we are afraid to admit that there is somthing really wrong. We bury our heads in the sand. I think we all have learned valuable life lessons through this awful journey.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Personally, I would start itemizing everything and making him pay his share. It can be seen as nitpicking, but really it is just making sure everyone is paying what they should. They are his kids, too, and just because he wanted out of the marriage doesn't mean he doesn't get out of paying for his kids like the court ordered. These are the consequences. Let him feel them, he needs to, and the kids need the money and a mom that is not completely broke because of it. If you don't, one or both of you will end up holding resentment because of those little things you just cover that add up.
I have calmed down so that is good. I am going to be really busy at work over the next week or so, so that should be good. I am thinking about taking the kids to Wamego where the Wizard of Oz museum is. I have never been. I know they are supposed to have one of the 9 pairs of Ruby slippers. Besides Wamego is only an hour a way, Omaha and the zoo are 3 hours.
Got to start having some adventures before the weather gets really bad.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
So my dream last night, maybe not good. I dreamt that ex and skank were living in my house. She was touching my things as if they belonged to her. I was getting madder by the minute. She was commenting on the habits of one of my daughters. Then she got this huge smirk on her face and told me that she and ex were married.
He was not happy with her at all. I kept hitting her but it didn't do any good. She just laughed.
So apparently I have my issues. I have to accept some of the dream. I sadly can't change that she gets to spend time with my girls or that she has ex. I must have had to let some of that anger out but as the dream shows, it doesn't change anything. Oh and don't take that as my wanting ex back, he has done way to much damage.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
One method of dream analysis says that everyone in the dream is you (reflected in a different way). To find out what the characters mean to you, talk to each of the people in the dream. Say out loud what you would like to say to that person.
Oh that would be fun! I forgot to add that former boyfriend from high school is wanting to be my friend. As I said before things didn't end on a pretty note. He is divorced now and lives in Springfield which is about 4 hours away.
I am hesitating to accept his friend request, though I suppose it would be a good way to put that issue to rest. I have a lot to work through. I think this will be a thought filled day.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
A suggestion about name calling. It's always easier to be madder at someone else than the person you're closer to. Calling his paramour a 'skank' seems to be a word that keeps your anger brimming. The true focus is on the relationship (or lack thereof) with your former spouse. Even in your dream you have no control over what she does, how ineffective your actions are and what he's willing to do.
Control what is yours. Drop the rest. Anything with hubby is financial, business.. effectively co-parenting, resolving financial issues, etc. Stop giving him/her prime real estate in your brain.
I had a wacky dream just recently about my former spouse's new Mrs. Kinda weird.. but I saw it as me accepting her as someone real in his life.. a life I have nothing to do with. Guess what? It's fantastic!
Chasing what is broken because of dreams held close to the heart only hurts.. you, you, oh yes.. and you. No one else. Holding hurt is easy. But guess what? You are fricking wonderful, incredible all on your own.
So stop giving that female all that space in your head, icky words in your mouth. Create healthy boundaries with the former spouse and make it Kat's Wonderful World of Katiliciousness!
And remember.. newly divorced women are the most savory treat to predators.. online or off.
