To my understanding, passive aggressive is when people are not openly hostile but do hostile things in a sideways, sneaky manner. It's when somebody smiles in your face while they arrange to have you stabbed in the back. Such a one would be "hurt and offended" if you actually held them responsible for the back wounds.
That's my (non-proffessional) description. Shiney could give you a much better description, I'm sure.
A Narcisist, huh? You've described him as being very self-centered, but you didn't really make it sound that extreme. Wouldn't hurt to look into characteristics, though. The way my C told me, there are a whole lot of shades of grey between "normal" and having a personality disorder. I was asking her what the heck Wolfie's C meant by calling him a "borderline recluse".
I guess all I was really trying to say is that Wolfie was holding a lot of resentments at me back then. He wouldn't talk about it, and didn't feel comfortable outright hurting me in any way. He was probably feeling pretty confused about the contradiction of being furious with someone he loved.
Add to that, he had convinced himself that I didn't care anymore and was just "keeping him around". I think that having the A was a way he could channel all of that resentment and frustration without actually being overtly hostile.
In other words, covert hostility = passive agressive. Same same.
