Now all I need to worry about is if she cares - the signals to me say she is checking me out but maybe I am reading too much into it.
Puppy already said it: No no no.
You are REACTING to her, trying to get a rise out of her, trying to see if she cares, etc. As long as you do this, she's in control. You still fear losing her. As long as she smells that fear and desperation, she'll continue to keep control in this situation.
You are not attractive if you are reactive and walking on eggshells.
You see, your wife, right now, really doesn't care what you think. Get this in your head...I'll say it again. RIGHT NOW...she DOESN'T CARE. She acts freely and in her own temporary emotional self-interest. She holds the power. that's why Puupy says she's out divorce-busting you. She doesn't fear losing you. Cause she wants the OM and she knows you'll come back to her at a moment's notice. In fact, if you got hit by a car and died, she'd feel relieved. And all WAS are, more or less like this. They can snap out of it, however.
The only way to detach is not to play mental games, or try techniques, it's to actually care for yourself and become a strong, centered, open-hearted, powerful man. It's time you became a warrior.
Here's something of a plan.
1. Speak to a lawyer/solicitor. Make sure your rights/assets are protected.
2. Read Divorce Recovery. I suggest you look at the sections on Infidelity and the Last Resort Technique (LRT). Remember the LRT is only a temporary measure to restore your sanity and give you modicum of self-respect. Its really a technique..it's a way to artifically regain composure and control. What will REALLY give you control is a strong sense of self and getting rid of the fear of losing your wife. I know...easier said than done.
3. Stop chasing, pleading, threatening your wife, communicating with OM, etc. It signals desperation and weakness -- definitely not a turn-on.
4. Regarding your daughter, it's up to you to determine what's best for her. She's not a weapon to "get" at your wife.
5. In terms of regaining your sense of self, I recommend three books in the following order: 1. No More Mr. Nice Guy. 2. Hold on to your N.U.T.S and 3. The Way of The Superior Man. All you really need is No More Mr. Nice Guy. It's full of exercizes that focus on YOU, not your wife. It's a systematic plan for helping you become a stong, centered, integrated man. Once that happens, your wife won't become the center (idol) of your life. If your changes are in order to win her back, then she'll though them and still remain the one who holds the power.
6. The one who wants/needs the marriage MORE gives up their power.
7. Regaining your power means to stop trying to act in attempt to get her to do something or come back.
