She Lost Her Love For Me - Now What?

[Kettricken]

Believe it or not, I *am* sympathetic. You have a pattern for fixing that has always worked for you: Ask a million questions. Figure out what's wrong. Fix it or tell the team how to do it. Quickly quickly; time is money, there's a deadline.

Job one is to understand the ways that pattern is impacting your emotions and playing into your stress. First of all, there is no deadline. I wonder how much of your panic and overcontrol has been coming from an internal perception that there is.

Right now I don't believe she thinks I am even thinking like this and would not believe me if I told her. She says actions speak louder than words. The million dollar question is how to show her my actions without smothering her.

This one is *really* easy. She has asked for space. Give it to her. Nobody said you have to treat her like a stranger; give her a smile when you pass in the hall. But no more roses, and stop getting all up in her grill, literally or metaphorically. That WILL show her that you're listening, thinking, and changing.

What would you think of a team member who was tasked to work project A but at the end of the week, clocked in with no work at all on project A but a whole lot of work you never asked for on project B?

Ultimately, though, what SHE thinks is her business. Learning about relationship dynamics and making requested tweaks to your own behavior can be positive, but NOT if you're ONLY doing it to make an impression on her. Coach and others have already given you some great advice on making goals that only concern YOU, continuing to create yourself as a man you can respect. Don't discard it. There are plenty of happy outcomes on the board involving men who did *exactly* that.