She doesn't love me anymore...or does she?

[Ready2Change]

Puppy is very wise (even at his young age). I recommend following his advise. Wisdom comes during the difficult times in our lives. You have a great opportunity for personal growth if you choose to take it.

The best thing I did was "Immerse myself into my kids lives" and committed to personal growth.

I don't know how to confirm this one way or the other without potentially having her find out, completely distrust me, and have us be totally done...above and beyond taking her word.

You have lots of choices. Make the best one for YOU and live with the natural consequences. I chose not to snoop to protect myself from more hurt. Some people chose to snoop so they know the truth. Cheaters always lie. That is part of the thrill.

You will always have a R with her based off of the children. I see MsR2C more now that we are D. The children tie us to them. I chose the high road. Set her free. Constantly forgive her, and found my happiness without her. I am extremely patient with her. I put the process into God's hands. We live in an ever constantly changing world and how she feels now is not how she will feel in the future.

Love = Patience and Kindness

Kindness = giving her what she needs (not what YOU want)

[confusedafter16]

R2C, I appreciate the input from both you and Puppy, however, this is so new, I don't really even know what she wants. Although she has told me that she doesnt love me, she hasnt asked about divorce (i had asked for counseling) at this point, so I haven't a clue what she really wants above and beyond independence. What does that mean? I sure don't know.

I guess that I am torn this early in the process about making rash decisions to end it without effort to reconcile, or at least to understand what has actually happened. This is not fun!

[confusedafter16]

Went to MC this morning, which was interesting, and focused predominantly on my wife's feelings of no love for me and need for independence. Only second session, so mostly providing the MC with background.

We left MC said have a good day and left to go our separate ways. I am not sending her messages during the day unless I have to. However, she still sends them to me on occassion. She sent me a text a bit ago telling me that she bought me a new shirt and one for herself. It turns out that they are the same shirt in different sizes, so she jokes that we can look silly and wear them together (different colors...we've never been THAT couple!).

Ok, I am confused by this.

[confusedafter16]

Any advise or thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Went to MC this morning, which was interesting, and focused predominantly on my wife's feelings of no love for me and need for independence. Only second session, so mostly providing the MC with background.

We left MC said have a good day and left to go our separate ways. I am not sending her messages during the day unless I have to. However, she still sends them to me on occassion. She sent me a text a bit ago telling me that she bought me a new shirt and one for herself. It turns out that they are the same shirt in different sizes, so she jokes that we can look silly and wear them together (different colors...we've never been THAT couple!).

Ok, I am confused by this.

She still sounds wayward to me. It's very typical for wayward spouses to go to MC as a show, as in "see? I tried," and use most (if not all) of their MC time justifying their need for "space" and "independence," and re-writing their marital history.

Keep up with the dim stuff unless it's necessary, and give her a wide berth.

Puppy

[confusedafter16]

Hey Puppy, thanks for your input again. I assure you that I agree that there is no immediate change in how she feels, as she's been up front in and out of counseling. We are currently living as "friends" and I am not interracting with her very much even when she's initiating messages or conversations. I'm keeping it light and short. She's going out to a friends house on Friday to hang out, and I have plans on Saturday...keep going as is? I gotta buy the DB book, as I was just referred to this site. THANKS!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yes, and READ THE BOOK (DR is a little better than DB, I think) -- this will all start to make sense to you. It's all VERY counter-intuitive, I know.

Puppy

[confusedafter16]

Puppy, why DR over DB. I don't know what the difference is. thanks again.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I've only read DB, but I"ve heard that DR is very similar, only more updated. Most on here seem to like it a little better.

[Arwen_in_NJ]

I would also recommend "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". Your wife is obviously not getting some needs met at home. It could be she thinks she has been communicating them to you for some time, and you have just not been "getting it". Men & women really do communicate differently...