Moving on!!! Making new friends!!! Traveling!!! I think it's time you applied for a legal seperation if you don't want the D. Chances are she will say why dont we just get D'd.
Legal separation is not an option in Texas. I looked into that. It is either married or not married. I was very disapointed in that.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Dont make veiled threats. They will come back to bite you big time. Again, if you want some sort of structure then file for D. The courts, I assure you, will ORDER that structure and there wont be a darn thing you can do about it.
All I know is that is what the L told me. So I felt like I was informing W that this is where the legal side stands.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Wow Kev CG was nice enough to give you that great advice and that's the best you got. You can put your head in the sand all you want. The courts dont care about your religious vows. Sad but true. Get off your high horse and let her go or you will lose more then you are prepared for. Let God worry about her adultery she will have to answer to the really "High" court someday just like you will.
I agree w CG that you are setting yourself up bigtime. Show her some respect and let her go.
Afterall these hundreds of pages of post from all of us on this board you still think you have CONTROL.
Wow Kev Wow! And you asked what going to AA has to do with this. Seriously!?!
I have to respectfully disagree here. It is not better for them to have someone acting as a father or step father that is not their father. It further damages them. I will not be working with this loser. My kids will know that he is trying to help keep their parents apart. I will not be expecting them to show him any respect at all.
It sounds like you are wanting your kids to be vindictive. And that you are wishing you could control your children's attitudes towards the OM.
As far as going for full custody based upon introducing the kids to OM - I've been there. My L told me that I had a great chance at full custody because of her and him exposing the physical aspect of their affair in front of the kids. But in the end, I dug down deep and realized I did not want a fight and what was best for the kids. In the end, I talked with OM and he is an ok guy and the kids get along just fine.
As much as you may despise what OM is doing, you gotta let it go.
Also, if you do get divorced, remember that you may find someone else and will also maybe someday introduce the kids to that person.
I am just frusturated and angry. I don't even respect the courts.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
In the end, I talked with OM and he is an ok guy and the kids get along just fine.
He is not an ok guy if he helped tear your family apart and your kids world apart. That is pretty evil. He went after what he wanted and took it away from you and your kids and then wanted to be buddies with yall after robbing yall of your family.
How does that make him an ok guy?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
It sounds like you are wanting your kids to be vindictive. And that you are wishing you could control your children's attitudes towards the OM.
Not looking for them to be vindictive. But they don't need to show someone respect that has robbed them of their family and helped keep them in a broken home. That OM deserves no respect from them.
Quote:
Also, if you do get divorced, remember that you may find someone else and will also maybe someday introduce the kids to that person.
I won't be looking for anyone else. I made my kids a promise that I would not do that to them.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Yes, you know what ONE L told you. And it is not your job to inform your W of the legal side of things. Let her find out on her own or use her own attny to get info. Look where my H's attny got him and trust me, my H informed me of all kind of stuff his attny said.
Honestly, if your W did remarry and your kids had a stepdad and you promoted disrespectful actions towards their new stepdad then you are simply vindictive.
My stepdad is amazing. Granted, my parents were divorced for 15 yrs and they only got married 3 yrs ago but still. When my dad was dying there was not ONE visiting session my stepdad missed. And when we took my dad off life support and we ALL stood around his bed (me and my H, my sister and her H, my mom and her H and my aunt/uncle) it was my stepdad who had his hand on my shoulder and my sisters shoulder. That is a real man.
It was also my stepdad he told my father on his deathbed what great kids my sister and I are, that he knows he never can take his place but he will always look out for us and be there for us. You know what my father's last words were less than an hour before he died? Thank you. To my stepdad.
So basically you would rather have your kids miserable and full of stress in a house with a stepdad because you say its okay not to respect him? Right, that would just make your W miserable and sometimes I wonder if that is your goal.
The way you class people is damaging. Just like you did with the "Kid" of a counselor before you even knew a darn thing. Or how all the people at AA were losers and you werent like them before you gave it more time. Stop worrying about your W and start addressing your patterns that are destructive.
In the end, I talked with OM and he is an ok guy and the kids get along just fine.
He is not an ok guy if he helped tear your family apart and your kids world apart. That is pretty evil. He went after what he wanted and took it away from you and your kids and then wanted to be buddies with yall after robbing yall of your family.
How does that make him an ok guy?
Kevin
It is easy to judge someone and label them as evil. But you dont walk in their shoes.
My mother also had an affair and the guy she married also is ok. My brother and I learned to accept him.
