T2, I can totally relate to what you are saying. I can usually (now) pull myself out of negative self-talk on my own, so I don't implode or explode very often these days.
We both know that avoiding R talks doesn't work for us. It makes me withdraw, then him withdraw, then me withdraw more--until there is a gulf between us that neither one of us can find a way to bridge.
It is still excrutiating for me to try to initiate these conversations. It is very hard for me to share my feelings with him in the first place. That has been compounded by years of being stonewalled and shut down when I would try. I have been trying to overcome my fear and hope for a different response from H. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
