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[Zoo]

Hi Tal,

I understand your nervousness...I would hate to lose the wisdom that the veterans here are always so gracious and willing to share

Opt wrote:

What about setting up a specific time this week to 'go over' how things are. Kind of a review. If he know beforehand and has control of the when he may not get defensive. He seems to want the talks.

I've been kind of in the gray area too. I do everything I can think of to subtly try to get H to continue to be open and talk. Sometimes I get lucky and H volunteers some R info but it's never more in depth then maybe a statement or two... Things are going great, I'm more than happy with the way things are now .

H has told me point blank that I should KNOW how things are without having to talk about them. I feel that we should talk once in awhile to make sure we are on the same page and getting the things we both want and expect from the M now.

I cautiously broached this subject with H tonight. I asked him if he felt ready and comfortable enough to talk about our R a little more in depth. I told him that I didn't want to go in-depth on the phone but I felt that we needed to make sure that we were both getting what we had earlier on said we wanted from the R.

H jumped in saying right away that HE felt he was and that he felt great about things...I said I felt I was too but this was something we needed to do from time to time rather then avoid. I then changed the subject

I think this is a real difficult period for many of us because we still aren't quite convinced. We aren't totally out of "search and destroy" mode and immediately pick-up on anything we perceive as "old behaviour".

"Search and destroy" tells us to nip this in the bud quickly, we feel much better in the place we are now (we've finally had some meaningful R talk at this point) and don't want to go back to where we were. That perception we have though is causing us to think uh-oh, here we go again...

hmmm...OH GREAT, I can see where this is going (smacks self in head with OWN 2x4!!!)...

My brain has just told me that my need for more in-depth R talk is sounding/looking an awful lot like pursuit behaviour...something I KNOW is a big no-no for my sitch. H has been volunteering little bits on his own...could this be because it is EASIER for H to handle smaller bites rather then trying to choke down and swallow the whole ball of wax at one time?? Knowing H...no doubt about it!

Well Tal, I don't know if I have helped you any with this line of thought at all I also don't know if I should hug YOU or kick myself so I guess I'll do both

{{{{{{TALITSA}}}}}}

OUCH,
Zoo