Alright Swimming, let's try some actual hard tangible tactics here. You analyze way too much and it's making you crazy.
I told you, I don't think there's any OW right now because your H is about as fun as a brick right now. Really, do you want to be around him? Is he Mr. Fun and Happy to you? You're putting up with his crap because you love him and you have a family and history together. Other women do NOT, so why deal with a man's crap if you don't have to? Why not go find a 'normal' guy with less baggage than your H seems to be carrying?
Make a list of everything you argue about. EVERYTHING and be as inclusive as you can. Then go back and look at that list and recreate the script that goes with each fight. After that, go back and decide what is the most OPPOSITE thing you could during one of those fights? Would it be to agree with him? Would it be to walk away? Would it be standing on your head? Figure out the biggest 180 you could pull during the next fight or tense moment and do it.
What you're doing now, not working so well in that you are going in circles.
