But for a quick view of my sitch here are the coles notes:
Married 11 years, together 13 years, we have 6 year old son
July 09 W tells me ILYBNILYW and that she is no longer attracted to me. I pursue, plea, beg, cry etc. for a couple of days then find DR and stop all that.
W and I still sleep in same bed but have not touched, hugged, kissed or ML since the bomb.
We still do things as a family and still act as good friends (nice conversations, hang out, etc., but nothing romantic or intimate)
started MC in Sept. After first session MC suggested we both get IC as well.
early Sept diagnosed with depression and start on antidepressants. Since then I am much happier in life with the exception of what is happening with my M.
My IC tells me that I am doing great with the changes I have made and with the goals I have set for myself. She says that she cannot do much more for me in regards to my marriage but can help with the changes I am trying to make in myself.
Lost over 30 pounds, started wearing new cologne, always looking good, GALing and doing 180s.
After 2nd appointment with MC she tells us that we will need more help then she can provide (arranged through employee assistance program at work and only have 5 sessions) She said that I am in the deep end of the pool treading water trying to keep our marriage alive, but W has only put her big toe in the water to check the temperature and has to decide if she wants to get in or run away.
W says that her IC told her that it is not a matter of deciding if she wants the M or not, but if she wants to be M to me...She is not attracted to me at this time and wants to get to know the new me so that she can decide if she should stay and fight for the M or go.
spent this past Saturday night playing a game with W with questions to get to know one another. W said she had fun and learned somethings about me but would not tell me if what she learned was good or bad. One thing W said during our game is that she wants a man that knows what he wants in life and has goals. I asked her if she thought I had no direction in my life and she said yes. I told her my goals and what I am doing to reach those goals, but I don't think she believes my changes are going to last.
Spent nice Thanksgiving Long Weekend doing a lot of family activities with W and S.
This is where I need help. I am tired of leaving for work every morning watching her hug and kiss our S goodbye as we leave in the morning then she turns away from us and simply tells me to have a nice day. I am tired of coming home and asking her how her day was and some days hearing a simple "Okay" or "Fine" with no other explanation even when I probe. I am tired of getting the cold shoulder some days and then others she acts like my best friend.
My W has never said that she wants a divorce or that she wants to separate, she has only said that she no longer loves me and that she is not attracted to me anymore.
I am at the point where I feel I can't wait for her anymore. I want to get on with my life. I want to spend time with someone that wants to enjoy my company.
I believe I have detached, I will be okay if she decides that she wants to take her toe out of the pool and run away. I have come to realize that I don't need her to be happy, however, I do want her in my life. But if she decides that she wants out, then I will step aside and let her leave and find someone else to be with, someone else that would be happy to be with the new man that I have become.
How long do I have to wait until she makes up her mind?
Can I do anything to help her make a decision either way?
Me: 39 W: 34 S:6 M:11 years T: 13 Years B: 07/2009 Possibly BUSTED: 11/2009
