WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am for your sitch to be working itself out--good work, you've done a great job at working things out with wolfie and he's done a super job wanting to make things work with you--I can tell you both are truly committed and so glad he came home with a gift!!! Can we all come to the wedding???!!!! Here here!!! I can't say enough how much I've admired your strength and tenacity through all this and it never ends, but sounds like you and wolfie have a solid foundation from which to build upon. I love the wicked witch analogies and wish a house would drop on my OW in San Diego--heck I'd settle for car trouble when she drives up here over thanksgiving! Oh well, I can't make it happen--although I'd sure love to try!!! Anyway, I hadn't stopped by in awhile to post, but wanted to give you "cheers"!!! Take Care!
We've got our own laundry thing. I've never understood why laundry is such a big deal.
At the beginning of our M, W wanted to do my laundry. I told her she didn't have to, I'd take care of my own. I don't know, just kind of felt that it shouldn't be something for her to mess with - it just didn't feel right to me because I didn't want it to turn into an expectation.
So - when she dropped the bomb, of course, one of the big things was she wasn't going to do my laundry anymore. She HATED doing my laundry, having to fold it, put it away, etc. etc. and she always thought I generated too much of it. How did this backfire on me?? I didn't want her to do it in the first place!!
So, now I'm back to doing my own laundry, even as our relationship heals I think this is going to be permanent, which is fine with me.
Speaking of which, I hope I have clear underwear for tomorrow.
You know what really drives me nuts, though, is that when my MIL visits SHE insists on doing my laundry. Actually, that's not even accurate, because she doesn't even ask - she just sneaks in, finds all my dirty underwear and washes it. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!
Yes, men are very particular on who washes their clothes.
WOW, thanks for posting your laundry thing...It never occured to me that my H might just be thinking, "Hey, it's my stuff, I got it dirty so I should be the one to wash it." Damn Bill, you've ruined a perfectly good resentment for me with simple truth AND way back during my H's and my first (failed) recon attempt, I made a big deal out of being the housemaid and how I had NO INTENTIONS of taking that role on again...duh, maybe HE actually HEARD ME
I sure wish you wouldn't let work get in the way of sharing your wisdom here Can't you tell your employer that you're 'needed in surgery' or something?
When my husband and I first started dating, I did a load of laundry for him. His response, was that was really sweet, but please don't do my laundry, I like to do it a certain way.
Ever since then I've never done it. And I'm happy about that actually, because he tends to let his pile up until it's a huge chore. Bleh!
Maybe this is just a guy thing.
Or maybe our guys just are embarrased by us seeing their dirty underwear and socks!
Dunno.
Oh, and for my husband there's an extra twist to the laundry situation. Whenever we'd visit his mom, she's put his clothes into the washer half an hour before we were supposed to leave, in an effort to make him stay another 2 hours. After years of this, he finally just took his wet clothes, stuck them in his suitcase and said bye to his mom. (I witnessed this! laugh) She never did that again.
Tal, it is so great to hear that things have worked out for you!! You got a new ring to boot...YEEHAW! H told me the other day that he definetly wants a new ring and intends to wear it all of the time...has even suggested we might get a matching set (he likes the Irish klehogh (SP) wedding rings). It doesn't really matter to me if I get a new ring or not, I love my simple gold band that I picked out...I don't care for diamonds, but the fact that he THOUGHT about getting a matching set please me to no end
My H has a laundry issue too...all of his shirts must hang in the closet a certain way...fronts out, hangers all facing the same direction. Even he admits it is something he is anal about but it drives him nuts if they aren't like that. MEN!! LOL
Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Hey ... a thread I finally can get caught up on! ... of course it takes Tal being out of town for that to happen.
Tal, what a great start to Wolfie coming back home. I couldn't help but notice all your Land of Oz references. Funny, because I used them too in my second thread ... Emerald City is Great!, but its still not Kansas..
While Wolfie is home, the journey still continues ... its just now, you have arrived at Emerald City with your companion. Its a colorful, lively place to be with a festive air about it, but things are not quite as comfortable as they should be and the surroundings just quite feel right and that can make you feel apprehensive.
That's OK, its just a reminder that you still have more travelling to do to get to Kansas ... that feeling like now you are where you belong, the big diffence is now you will work together to get back home.
Little did I know that "Return to the pack" had to do with laundry and dirty underwear. (OK, that was a bad attempt at a play on words).
For the first 15 years, I thought we had worked out a deal where, she handled everything on the inside of the house and I worked on the outside (including the vehicles) and since I didn't hear anything different from CAW, I thought we were both OK with it that way. Little did I know she steadily built up resentment because we weren't sharing the chores! So now we take turns doing a load on laundry day. Tag team laundry ... now if we could just get D10 into the relay. She always complains she has nothing to wear, but we never get any of her clothes to wash come laundry day.
Hi Everybody!!! I've been busy down here with my team--doing training for a Tribal Youth Drug Court we are putting together. I've gotten to meet Indians from all over and have visited a few reservations here.
The sunshine is AWESOME! It was 98 degrees here today and we are all happy because there was 8-12 inches of rain back home & lots of flooding and power outages. After we get done tomorrow morning, I'm going to give myself a birthday present--I'm going to sit by the pool all day, soaking sun and reading the Darwin Awards LOLOL!
Happy Birthday to me!
I'm going to have to travel more often cuz I've been noticing that lots of guys seem to be flirting with me and that's kinda nice for my ego. My ego took quite a beating this last year.
Kaw--you crack me up! Maybe I should have called this thread "Return to the Rack"!
I completely agree with you that we're very new on a road to recovering. I still feel like everything is a bit tentative. Maybe after we have been working at this for a year, I'll feel more secure. For now, I'm not throwing caution to the wind.
This whole episode has rocked me to the core and has changed me. I would like to believe that if I try hard enough and and am determined, that things will work out. I used to believe that way. I have no control over what my mate does, however. It's gonna take awhile before I stop anticipating more bombs. For awhile, I will probably even be hitting the ground every time a car backfires......."INCOMING!!!!!!!"
Don't mean to sound dour. I think I'm being fairly realistic and not raising my expectations too high. If I am pleasently surprised--I'll be very glad. I think that's a better approach than expecting too much and getting disappointed repeatedly, ya know.
Well, goodnight everybody--thinking of all of you. I'm going to go sit in the hot tub WHOOO-HOOO!
Happy Birthday Tal! ... sounds like you know just how to enjoy it if you have to be away from home!
... and you don't sound sour. You're right on target. This is a transition in the R where its easy to start trying to control how we wish to see the positives gained instead of accepting the positives offered. It becomes a critical time to "catch them doing it right" as our 180 to maintain and slowly to work on "asking for what you want" by pick one item on your list at a time. At first you really don't even want to ask, but by using "I" statements express how you would feel if you did get what you want and drop it. Give him time to work on offering such when he has a chance to. If it becomes his choice to offer what you expressed as liking, you both will get more satisfaction, where in directly asking for it will tend to make him feel more burden to oblige and avoids resentment on your part that your expectations are always being pushed into the closet.
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